Say Cheese!
by six keys
Summary: . v2.3pie9! rating for smoke inhalation . Oh, boy. Saitou is a STIFF... figuratively. Kenshin and his task are feeling a little doomed, Shishio is up the proverbial River of Insanity without a paddle, and Aoshi says nothing. R/R/Q...? :D
1. Not Chapter One

**Notes: **I suppose it's unusual for someone to decide to edit one of their stories nearly four years (and even more, now) after its completion, but I have for you, lovely readers, a proposition; I am both shocked and excited (though half of me is mortified) that this story is still receiving hits! :D And honesty, this pleases me immensely. I don't know if anyone's been hesitating to comment or send me a line via email or anything... but if you want to, please don't hesitate! I love talking!

The unification of fandom is upon us, guys!

On another note, this is indeed the updated version of this story, but that basically entails ONLY, er, formatting. 'Cause Ffdotnet doesn't allow people to put seemingly-innocuous symbols into their stories anymore. So. For those of you who keep visiting this story for the second, third, etc. time... it's not changing! XD I keep getting repeat visitors and I find this amusing. (I don't know why anyone would want to read it more than once.) Incidentally, there's much better stuff to be found on here than these insane rantings of my once disturbingly-juvenile mind, so I urge you to seek it.

Please do, please do! Even as I read this story now, I'm distressed at the amount of randomness infused in it... But nonetheless, if that's what you happen to be looking for, well, thanks. ;) Trust me that the quality of writing in this story does improve with its progression. I swear that it does. (I may be in denial. It was a long time ago.)

Also, please ignore the extremely annoying abuse of fangirl Japanese. It disturbs me greatly, too.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters, nor do I wish to… I shudder to think of what they'd turn into if I owned them. Wasuki-sensei would shrivel up and die! Also, the original 'In the beginning's belong to the great and wise and wondrous Imbri, to whom I owe very much for allowing me to continue their legacy here. :D

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**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Frown Often, Carry a Big Sword' (And no, this isn't a dirty joke.)

THERE WAS SAITOU…  
AND THERE WAS KENSHIN…  
AND THEY WERE ABSOLUTES…  
AND SO KAMI WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO FORCE THEM ON IMPENDING DOOM WITH EACH OTHER…  
AND SAITOU FROWNED…  
AND KENSHIN WAS CONFUSED…  
AND KAMI-SAMA SMILED DOWN UPON THEM BOTH…

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**Chapter 1:  
**On Shishio and Shishou, and Everything in Between (Which isn't much…)

Saitou Hajime frowned.

And frowned again.

And another for good measure.

And looked down -- _Way_ down.

And thought, heck with it, and stuck his face in a permanent scowl.

He was mad. Piping mad. _Steaming mad!_ Why, he was so mad that he… He narrowed his eyes and skooshed the noisy cricket under his heel until it was nothing but a grease spot on the dirt road.

He was MAD.

Now, I'm sure all you fans are just dying to know what's gotten our dear Saitou so worked up. The fact is, I'm not sure, and Saitou hasn't really got a clue, either…

He was just mad.

And just looking at his 'partner', all smiles and happy, made him even madder! And madder and _madder_ and _**madder**_ and _**MADDER**_… He was a veritable kettle on the verge of bubbling over… and he liked it.

Oh, yes, dear Kami, he liked it.

He liked the power. He was a powerhouse (whoo, note redundancies...) of energy just waiting to be pestered, so he could bowl the person over and explode in their face like an overheated steam engine. He was teetering on the edge, and the rocks were crumbling. All he needed was a bit more of that killer annoyance factor before he…

"SAITOU-SANNNN?!?"

…cracked.

"N-n-naa…ni…?" he asked through gritted teeth, ready to pounce on every opportunity that his unsuspecting target provided.

"Saitou, can we go visit my--"

"Iie."

"Or--"

"Iie."

"Demodemodemo--"

"Iie!"

"But you haven--"

"IIE!"

Kenshin held back a minute, working out a protest before crying out a resounding, "NAAANII--"

"IIEE!"

"At least let me finish my--"

Saitou sent him back such a glare that Kenshin shrunk back another 10 feet or so, muttering a soft "… de gozaru…".

It wasn't that he felt intimidated by the man.

Oh no.

It didn't matter that he was more than twice his height and weight.

Cough.

He'd never let such a thing get in his way.

Choke.

After all, he was the Battousai! He froze men's blood with fear! He was the strongest Imperialist! (A rather klutzy Imperialist, but the strongest one nonetheless…)

With thoughts resembling the above running through his head, he approached his deepest darkest archenemy and was about to speak before his subject interrupted him once again.

"Why do you want to go and see him, anyway?"

"Oro? Dare?"

"Your high-and-mighty 'Shishou'…"

Kenshin drew back in shock, eyes wide. "How did you… Nani…?"

"I thought you ran away from him. What makes you think he'd want to see you?"

"I didn't run away… I just… left for a little while…"

"10 years? That's a little while for you?"

Saitou registered in the deepest dankest recesses of his mind that Kenshin was stuttering out some lame excuse involving tar, feathers and train tracks, but he turned back to the road ahead without paying much attention to whatever it was he was drawing from his statement.

And he frowned.

And frowned again.

And pulled out a cigarette.

And laughed insanely. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAA!!!"

(Okay, okay… I just had to throw that in there for kicks… )

And frowned.

At the sound of this, Kenshin drew himself away from his stupor and looked on in shock. 'This man,' he thought, 'is _INSANE_! I knew it, I knew it! I never should have agreed to go on this so-called Shishio-escapade!' He cursed himself inwardly. Ish.

He also mentally wondered how a man could laugh and frown at the same time. It just wasn't human. Kenshin was positive that in all the years he had known Saitou, he had never seen him smile or even so much as grimace, unless, of course, if it was because he was getting ready to beat his victim to a pulp… (Hmmm… Does this sound familiar? Sounds a bit like the Misao/Aoshi case, ne? Oops, that wasn't supposed to happen! … But look here. A plot device is in our midst at last.) Frown, frown, frown… For Heaven's sakes, the man lived off other people's misery!

And he almost frowned at the thought, but caught himself before allowing himself to. He was not about to let such a man as Saitou rub off on him!

'Speaking of Saitou,' he thought to himself, 'Where is he?' Kenshin scanned the horizon (as well as noted that Saitou was a very quick man to have escaped him that fast…) and noted a tiny speck far, far, _far_ away. In fact, it looked almost as if the speck was about to walk off the face of the earth. He groaned and began running in that general direction.

By the time Kenshin reached the spot where the speck had been, he realized he had made a slight error. Actually, two, if you considered them as separate cases… One, the speck he had seen had in fact been nothing more than a speck. He glared down at it and proceeded to attempt to kick it off the face of the earth… Which leads us to error number two… He was at the end of the earth! He looked down warily and wondered if he would reach China if he jumped down. (He also then thought better of it. He had no particular urge to go to China, anyway…)

And so, with nothing better to do, Kenshin sat down on the edge of the earth and dangled his feet down. He picked up a dandelion, and fondly remembered an old rhyme. (And don't ask me where from…) "Mama had a baby and her head popped off!" He popped the head off the dandelion, laughing at his own ingenuity.

After a long, long while, and many, many dandelion heads, our dear Kenshin began getting bored. (And we can't have that, can we?!) He looked across the wide expanse of territory before him, sighing in bored-ness (which is not equal to boredom, honest) and soon noticed a trail of smoke leading off to a small clump of houses which he inferred to be 19th Century Megakyoto. (Oh, my.)

He headed off towards the clump and soon realized that it wasn't in fact Megakyoto, but rather Megakioizaka -- a mouthful, but otherwise legit. He grumbled at that and rushed to hurry up after the quickly disappearing cloud of smoke. He realized that he really had no need to worry because Saitou lit up another cigarette about 0.00001 seconds after he was finished the first (or second… He really didn't actually know…), and a newly replenished cloud appeared above him.

Kenshin thought this cloud looked quite like a rain cloud.

He also began to wonder whether or not that was the reason why Saitou never smiled. After all, being stuck under a stinky, smoky, hazy mist couldn't be that much fun… He resolved to ask him about it later on in the series… Perhaps after Shishio was dead and there was peace once again. (Foreshadowing! Le gasp!)

By this time Kenshin had caught up, and he looked up at the dark and sinister man.

And laughed.

For Saitou had such a strange look on his face that it was hard to look upon it and not laugh. Kenshin twisted his face in knots trying to imitate it, failed, and simply continued laughing in a rather childish sort of way.

And Saitou frowned once again.

And he poked and prodded in his box for another cigarette, and realized they were all gone!

And his deeply sensitive inner self (yeah, right) cried and cried at the fact that it would have to suffer forever and ever and ever. (Or at least until they reached the city, which, of course, was not too far off by now.)

And Saitou suddenly had an epiphany!  
And he realized smoking was bad!  
And he threw away his lighter!  
And he smiled and laughed in a way so unlike Saitou!  
And he thanked Kami for small miracles!

Okay, okay… Back to the _real_ story… We all know that would never ever, _EVER _happen…

And so Saitou's inner self was crying…

And thus Kenshin sent his own inner self, Battousai, to go and cheer Saitou's inner self up, but all Battousai did was pull out his Sakabatou and beat some sense into him.

And Saitou's inner self was angered at that.

And Saitou was angered at that.

And Saitou sent his inner self after Battousai.

And Battousai ran away in his own self-pity. (No, not really… He just continued to beat up Saitou's inner self until he was but an empty shell of nothingness…)

And Saitou was MAD!

And so Saitou and Battousai began to wage war. (With Kenshin standing a bit away looking slightly scared… and confused, as usual…)

They stood back to back and each took 10 paces, turned around, drew their swords…

…And began shooting insults back and forth…

But neither Battousai nor Saitou was good at insulting. The insults they used were so lame the author has decided to save you the time and energy it would have taken you to read them.

And suddenly they both ran off, leaving a completely bewildered Kenshin in the dust, wondering if he would ever see himself again.

And he cried at the mere thought and tore after them.

And he suddenly got… an idea!

And he made a solemn vow to get Saitou to smile, for that was the only way he would ever stop the horrible victimizing of his past self…

And he smiled in a determined sort of way and raced through the grass and all the way through Megakioizaka and all the way across Japan to the end of the earth again… And he stopped and sighed…

And popped a head off a dandelion.

**Owari, Chapter 1**

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I dunno; this story is kinda… weird…

I got the inspiration for this in the middle of the night. (That seems to happen to me a lot…) Well, please throw me a line, and tell me if you like this! If you do, I might be inclined to post the already-written purely bizarre second chappie!

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha haaa!! That's my new all-inclusive evil laugh from a guy who really doesn't know how to laugh evilly… Hn…

Anyhoo, please drop me a line! Please please please?!?!?! I'll post the next chappie if I get… Um… 3 reviews! Just 3! Please? -snort- This is probably the stupidest story EVER, but that's what it was meant to be! I hope it gave you a laugh! Please, no flames unless you feel this story is really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY deserving of them… Any flames will be used for cheese-roasting in the next chapter! Mua ha ha!!

JAPANESE-ENGLISH DICTIONARY -- I never knew I was this much of an otaku:

Oro: Okay, okay… Let's get serious, here…  
Kami-sama: God  
Owari: End  
Shishou: Master  
Nani: 'What?!' or 'what' as in 'What time is it?'  
De gozaru: Duhh…  
Dare: 'Who?' or 'who' as in 'Who are you?'  
Iie: No.  
Hai: Yes. (Although it wasn't used in this chapter)  
Demo: But…

Yup, that's it! I'm sure you all knew those but I put them there anyways… Re to all of you: You know, the review button is right down there… It's only a click away! And the mouse is sooo close to it already! I know you want to review me!

Clicky clicky!

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**Next Chapter: On Catching the Thursday Boat on a Sunday and Why God-Like Speed Doesn't Come Equipped with Brakes**

Please look forward to it.


	2. Chapter the Second or Something

**Notes: **5 reviews!? Thanks a bunch!

You've been rewarded. Chapter 2 has been released from the asylum to venture into the new world of fanfiction, just for you! -huggles reviewers- I love you!

Oh, and I'm SO sorry for the delay! If you have any clue how hard it was to post this dang chapter, you'll know how I feel… Y'know, sitting around at 3:48 staring angrily at that little memo that says I can access my account again at 2:57… That is SUCH an annoying feeling!

So, really, people, it's not my fault this took so long… Blame ! Let's join forces and kill them ALL!! BWA HA HA!

**Disclaimer:** What would you think if I said that I _did _own them? ... Yes, yes! I OWN Rurouni Kenshin! Mua ha ha!

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**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Philosophically, Carry a Blunt Weapon'

THERE WERE KATANAS…  
AND THERE WERE WAKIZASHIS…  
AND THERE WERE BOTH…  
BUT SOON THESE WERE USED FOR EVIL…  
AND PEOPLE DIED.  
AND KAMI-SAMA WAS MAD…  
AND SO HE CREATED THE SAKABATOU…  
AND KENSHIN WAS HAPPY…  
AND SAITOU FROWNED…

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**Chapter 2:**  
On Catching the Thursday Boat on a Sunday and Why God-Like Speed Doesn't Come Equipped with Brakes

Saitou frowned.

He was tired.

He was sick of it.

Heck, he was sick _and _tired of it!

And he frowned in discontent.

He drew his tiny-brittle-police-officer-sabre and charged at his hated enemy.

He had had enough…

But as he charged, Battousai made no real effort to evade or even block the shot. Rather, he simply stood there and let it pass right through him.

And Saitou frowned on in shock and utter, utter amazement… "N… n… n… n… naa…"

Before Saitou could finish, Battousai quickly explained that he was but a soul, not actually capable of taking a human form. And Saitou realized that he did look slightly transparent.

And Saitou frowned.

And Battousai frowned upon him.

And they both frowned at each other and stuck out their tongues in a babyish sort of way.

And Saitou pulled out a cigarette and puffed on it apprehensively… He wondered whether or not Battousai got wet when it rained… He wondered whether or not he tasted whatever it was Kenshin was eating…

He wondered about many such things, and the answers as well.

And Saitou suddenly sucked in too hard and gagged.

For he had finally remembered that this was not the time to be pondering such things, and he headed off to the harbor to catch his boat to Kyoto.

And so he charged off, leaving but a trail of fire.

And Battousai stood in a bemused sort of way and wandered off into oblivion feeling rather empty…

And so he, too, charged off to the ends of the earth with a mission to rejoin with his also-feeling-empty-ish alter ego, who he knew was sitting mindlessly popping heads off dandelions. (And, of course, he knew this because he could _feel _it; he could _feel _it with that strange _feeling _that he couldn't quite place…)

And, of course, he was correct, being as his senses never really failed him unless it was completely mandatory that they _not. _

And so after quite a few years of running Battousai finally reached the ends of the earth and he slammed on the brakes as he neared the never-ending precipice.

But, unfortunately for him, God-like speed does not fare well with being halted quite all of a sudden. So Battousai ended up sliding across the grass leaving mass destruction behind him, and he nearly was sent careening over the face of the earth. Emphasis here on _nearly. _

Fortunately for him, he had "bumped" into his alter ego and the two had melded into one once again…

And they ran off and lived happily ever after, arguing about this war and those radishes and that laundry with feelings of complete completeness…

No, that's not right…

Actually, they--er, he... tore off to the harbor after Saitou and, thanks to his God-like speed, reached it before Saitou had even passed Megakioizaka.

And so he sat there in a nothing sort of way and waited for the arrival of the Sunday ferry.

And he watched as the ferry pulled into the harbor… And he looked at the speck in the distance that was Saitou… And he did some calculations… And he realized Saitou would never make it in time…

Which of course made him laugh at poor Saitou's plight…

And he smiled at that.

And Saitou rushed towards the harbor now… He had rather gotten sick of charging…

But, alas, he arrived just in time to see the Thursday ferry pull out once again into the ocean, where it turned in the direction of wherever it was headed.

And--Hey, _waaaait _a second… The _Thursday _ferry? Wasn't it Sunday? Saitou looked at the fast-disappearing boat again and inferred that it was in fact the Thursday ferry…

Which made him think something was _very _fishy indeed.

And it was at this point that he noticed Kenshin a few feet away, who was a) also looking at the boat, and b) also looking equally as confused…

And they both looked out at the boat in perplexed sort of ways, and Kenshin said, "They must have sent the wrong boat… Happens all the time!"

And Saitou grunted an agreement that was relatively incoherent.

And they looked out again in mutual agreement for once.

But _suddenly…_

The boat exploded anime-style, by first glowing, then shooting a ray of light into the sky, and then finally spontaneously combusting until there was quite nothing left of it at all.

And Saitou let out a string of curses in complete shock, and he thanked every God he knew, and even the Gods he didn't know, for not-so-God-like speed and other such obstacles.

And Kenshin looked on with eyes wide, and his inner self let out a string of curses of equal significance to Saitou's. (And equal harshness…) But, Kenshin was not about to let these words flow out into the open, and so he squeaked out a long, "Orororororororororoooooooo…" instead (or something to that effect).

And they both looked on in shock for a few long moments before Kenshin said, "Well… What now?"

And Saitou mumbled something about swimming all the way to Kyoto, but disregarded that thought, being as he knew it was quite difficult to swim and smoke at the same time, no matter how good one was at multi-tasking.

Noticing Saitou's lack of immediate response, Kenshin ventured an option mentioned in the previous chapter of this story: "Well… We could always go visit my Shishou, de gozaru…"

And Saitou frowned slightly at this… (Frowning _slightly?? _Is that actually humanly possible? Oh, well…)

"You know… It _is _right on the way, de gozaru…" Kenshin thought maybe that he was stretching the truth a bit… Technically, it _was _on the way… If you considered the mountains to be on the way to Kyoto… Well, they were on the same side of the map anyway…

Saitou scrunched up his face as if he were making some decision that would decide the fate of humanity or the reason for his very existence. And, once again, he brought up the question, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to go and see him?"

"Oh… To learn my ougi, de gozaru…" (Now, be honest and tell me you thought it was pronounced 'ooh-gi.' Spill it.)

"You mean you don't _know _it?!" Saitou asked in a shocked sort of way.

"Well… Sessha… Ah… You know… De--"

And Saitou smirked at that and taunted poor Kenshin! "Hmmm… Maybe, just because of that, we won't go see him… Heh… Yes, I think that's what we'll do… Nyah ha ha!" Saitou laughed evilly, and then suddenly frowned once again. "Yes. Yes… That's what we'll do! Bwa ha!"

And he took off in the general direction of Kyoto, with a very distraught-looking Kenshin trailing along behind him.

And he smiled in a not-quite-really-smiley-ish sort of way.

And pulled out yet another cigarette, and puffed on it with an ultra-cool demeanor.

And he frowned and decided that cigarettes from Tokyo were much better than cigarettes from Megakioizaka.

And he sighed, but continued on smoking, knowing full well that it was hazardous to his health but also not really caring much.

But _suddenly, _he felt his cigarette yanked out of his hand by an unparalleled force. He looked down and frowned in realization.

Kenshin stood with Saitou's dear cigarette held above his head and cried out, "Hah! Now, let's go visit my Shishou and I just might give this back!"

Saitou quirked an eyebrow at that and reached deep inside his deep, deep pockets for another one to light up.

And Kenshin grinned evilly and held up the box.

And Saitou frowned and frowned and frowned… and sighed… "Fiiiine…"

And Kenshin smiled sweetly and pointed towards the high and mighty peaks of the highest and mightiest mountains. "It's that way, de gozaru!" And he headed off in that direction by cutting through a field of corn rather than following the usual tactic of taking the road.

And Saitou just _knew _he'd get lost, but he was irresistibly drawn to the smoky smell of his still-lit cigarette.

(Is this enough talk of smoking already or _whaat?!_ Yeah, I agree…)

Now, it was at this time that Kenshin remembered his "mission" (which you've probably forgotten, too). He sighed and tried to think up any way to make his rival smile… Hmmm…

A joke? Naah, that was way to un-Saitou-ish… He'd probably prefer sarcasm…

He could always ask his Shishou to give Saitou a few lessons… _Anyone _would smile simply to get out of there! Kenshin smiled evilly (again…) at this thought… He could see it now…

Hiko: BAKA BAKA BAKA! 4,549,549,493.14159 more strokes!  
Saitou: Hn… -whap whap whap-…  
Hiko: BAKA! That's not how you do it!  
Saitou: Is it my fault I don't know Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu?!  
Hiko: Of course it is!  
Saitou: You're so arrogant!  
Kenshin: Finally someone understands!  
Hiko: Hey!

Kenshin plotted out this dark and somewhat gruesome plan in the part of his mind where things like Battousai lived.

But then he realized that he wasn't really an evil person... He wasn't cruel like Shishio or crazy-mad like Jin'ei… He _really _had no reason to torture Saitou just to make him smile…

And so he turned back to the fields and sighed in deep thought…

And Saitou followed rabidly behind him, tongue hanging out and eyes unnaturally wide. (For Saitou, anyway.)

And he made a mad dash for Kenshin and slammed him into the ground with incredible force, where he then proceeded to pry his treasures from the ex-hitokiri's iron grip.

"Orooo…" came the response to that, as Kenshin dragged himself out of the hole he had made from the sheer force. "All you had to do was ask…"

Saitou raised an eyebrow and continued on forwards again, feeling _rejuvenated! _The rain cloud returned and he sighed in contentment.

Life was good!

Kenshin dusted himself off and took off after him again, subconsciously following a trail that he had passed many times, many years ago, on roundabout trips to the city to buy sake or wasabi or other various necessities.

And, contrary to Saitou's dominant paradigm, he didn't get lost!

Instead, he led Saitou through the field and finally up into the steep slopes of the mountains and the prickly itchy forest, where he soon found himself recognizing several odd plants and animals.

And Saitou followed behind, gathering information on their pathway (Left, right, left, left, left, right…) and on some of the obscure creatures the likes of which he had never seen before.

And he frowned for no apparent reason. (Or perhaps there was a reason.)

And suddenly he became aware of the sounds of a rushing waterfall, which made him realize he was ravenously thirsty. But, alas, he was forced onwards…

After but a few more minutes of walking, they arrived at Hiko's tiny wooden shack.

(_Very minor _spoilers coming up…)

Now Kenshin stood outside of the tiny wooden shack and peered around the corner at the man sitting and creating something from clay. He stuck it into the fire with the end of his stick.

Kenshin crept up to the man very _very _silently, drew his sword and swung mightily at him.

But, of course, Hiko's ki sense was beyond anything normal, and he leapt into the air with incredible speed and agility.

(Spoilers end here! Moving right along...)

And suddenly he seemed to lose his balance in mid-air, and he toppled over and tumbled back to the hard earth face-first.

And Kenshin rather face-vaulted at this.

And Saitou frowned.

And from deep within the rubble, a slightly different yet strangely familiar sound was heard, a low and growling 'oro'…

**Owari, Chapter 2 (Mwa ha ha ha ha…)**

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Well?! What do you think? I wanted to make it truly different!

Bwa ha ha! A strange twist of events, I daresay!

This chapter is just slightly longer than my other one, but I think it still might be too short… Hmm… Oh well… If you liked this chapter, please review it! I love reviewers with all my heart! (But I'm not like Kamatari. Not quite that bad.)

Anyhoo, you people all know the drill! Review me! Flames will be used for cheese-roasting in… uh… Some later chapter… Or perhaps flames will be used to heat up one of Hiko's new pots!

Lessee, now...

Ki: Spirit or energy… It's easily detectable by someone who understands it, i.e., Hiko or Kenshin or even Saitou  
Wasabi: Spicy condiment for sushi! Yum!  
Sake: If you know this series, I seriously believe you'd know what this is, people…  
Hitokiri: Manslayer or assassin… Duh? Not to be mistaken with 'hitori': alone…  
Baka: Idiot  
Ougi: (_pron. _Oh-gi) Ultimate/succession technique in swordsmanship  
Sessha: Archaic version of 'I'… Lit. 'unworthy' or 'the unworthy one'  
Katana/Wakizashi/Sakabatou/Tsurugi/Ken: All different names for a sword… These were not all used in the chappie.  
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: Kenshin and Hiko's style of swordsmanship. I think you all knew that… Lit. Um… Something like, 'The dragon style of the honorable sword to heaven/sun…' That's about right, but I don't suggest you trust it 100 percent…

Hey, I think that's it!

Anyways, thanks for reading if you even did!

Review? Please?

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**Next Chapter: On Late-Night Inspirational Speeches and the Pros and Cons of Sheer Insanity**

Please look forward to it.


	3. Chapter After the Last

**Notes: **I truly don't hate Hiko-sama... I think he's AWESOME! I just thought it would be funny for him to be insanely drunk for awhile... Don't worry, he'll be back to normal soon enough... I AM NOT BASHING HIM! I just found it really easy to picture him all wide-eyed and mumbling, for some reason I have yet to gather...

Ugh, thus ends my rant.

**Disclaimer: **Do you get it yet?! I OWN them! Sheesh, you think people would get the picture after the first time I write a stupid disclaimer! Ugh, people these days!

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**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Rudely, Carry a Big Bottle of Sake!'

THERE WAS SEIJUUROU HIKO THE FIRST...  
AND SEIJUUROU HIKO THE SECOND...  
AND, MY, MY, THERE WAS EVEN SEIJUUROU HIKO THE THIRD...  
BUT THEY ALL DIED, AS MOST DO.  
UNTIL THERE WAS FINALLY A SEIJUUROU HIKO THE THIRTEENTH...  
AND IT WAS GOOD...  
BUT THIS AFOREMENTIONED HIKO WAS A DRUNK...  
AND IT WAS NOT SO GOOD...  
AND KENSHIN WAS SCARED...  
AND SAITOU SMIRKED.

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**Chapter 3:  
**On Late-Night Inspirational Speeches and the Pros and Cons of Sheer Insanity (which is like drapery, you know)

Saitou frowned.

He was... How can we put it? He was... was... nervous.

He was nervous about being around this madman who, according to Kenshin, had once been one of the world's greatest swordsmen.

For one, the man had just fallen on his face. _Not very swordsman-like._

For two, he had gotten up and torn across the yard with what Saitou could infer was not-quite-God-like speed. While yelling. And while swinging his katana around in a rather dangerous way.

He had definitely lost it.

And Kenshin stared at him in a rather befuddled way, looking altogether like he was completely lost.

For Heaven's sakes, the man had just "oro"-ed at him!

Oro. Now that was a word that had caused his Shishou some grief. It was a habit he had tried to break but, a lot like what smoking could do to a person, it seemed to come back and haunt him like some restless child spirit urging him to go out and play.

It was scary.

And Kenshin looked at his Shishou, the Ultimate Fatherly Figure, the Ultimate One Standing Atop the Golden Pedestal, the Ultimate Master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! (And, ah yes, the Ultimate Sake Champiiiioooonnnnnnn!!!)

Or, at least, those were the thoughts that had somehow wound up in Hiko's inflated-ego mind.

Hiko.

Kenshin wasn't sure he liked that name. It was too sharp.

But on second though, he supposed it suited a swordsman to have asharp name A sharp name to go with a sharp sword. (That wasn't a dirty joke, either.)

He pondered that thought a minute, but was suddenly interrupted by his just-too-cool-archenemy-rival-associate-Saitou-sama.

Saitou said, "Hnnnn..."

And that was it.

And Kenshin looked at him in a perplexed sort of way and wondered if perhaps both Saitou and his Shishou were losing their ability to speak Japanese.

And he was almost scared at the thought.

Almost.

But, alas, he looked back towards his Shishou and made a vague attempt at conversation. "Anou... Shishou-sama? "

But Hiko didn't respond to that.

"Shishou?"

Nope.

"Hiko-san?"

And at the sound of this Hiko blinked and skulked over, meandering in a drunken sort of way.

Which, of course, gave Kenshin some insight on the state of mind that the man might be in at the instant.

Which, of course, was the fact that the man must be drunk!

And he looked over at Saitou, who was simply standing and smirking at his misfortune.

And Kenshin got slightly irked.

And he _glared _at him with that Battousai _glare_ that made him melt into a puddle of goo.

And that was just punishment.

And he continued to _glare_ until he was suddenly interrupted. (For it was quite Hiko-sama's nature to interrupt people when they were in the middle of something important.)

Hiko cleared his throat as if about to reveal the meaning of life or burst into wild sonnet or ballad.

"I am a free sword!" he exclaimed to all present. "Free! Free! I am bound only to the rules and regulations that apply to a sword! I... am... FREEEEEEE!!!"

And he tilted his head back with such vigour that he toppled over onto the ground, laughing hysterically.

"Oro?"

"Hnnnn..."

And Hiko droned on for quite a few more hours, occasionally swaggering in a drunken sort of way as he paced about the yard. His comments seemed to mostly center on the fact that he was 'FREEEEEEE!!' but my guess is that you got that already.

But suddenly he was finished.

And he looked on expectantly as if waiting for a round of applause or a standing ovation.

Crickets chirruped in their typical cricket way.

Fffffffghffffffffffffffff vncnddddddddddddddddds. (Actually, my cat just wrote that and I think it gives immeasurable depth to my story. Please review her work!)

Crickets chirped. But you already knew that.

And Hiko frowned in discontent and mumbled out a few incoherent things.

And Saitou frowned along with him in discontent as was so typical of him.

And they both frowned in discontent together.

And Kenshin looked on...

But suddenly, Hiko exploded into fits of complete hysteria, which was not-quite-so-typical of him.

But being as this story is quite atypical, it can be inferred that this was quite not so bizarre as it sounded.

And so Hiko continued on in a rather-typical-for-this-story sort of way, and not a soul found it bizarre.

Except Kenshin, of course, who, at this point, was positive everything was bizarre. There was completely, obviously, absolutely _nothing sane_ about _anything _at the moment.

And so he simply sat back and watched the show with mild curiosity.

But... -sigh-... Sooner or later, all good things must come to an end.

-sob- Hiko's insane antics were starting to fade, giving way to things like sarcasm, bitterness and MORE SAKEEEEEEE!! WHEE!

And Saitou thought this was rather amusing to watch.

"Freeee... freee..." Hiko mumbled, as he was typically inclined to at this point.

But suddenly, he seemed to "pop" (or something) and started yelling out more relevant things. He looked at Kenshin in wonderment and muttered, "Baka deshi?" as if seeing him for the first time.

"Oro?"

"What the--"

-pop-

"Yup..." he slurred. "I really... must be drunk... yup... awful drunk... but freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

-pop-

"--heck are you doing here?"

-pop-

"--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

And this continued on in much the same fashion for quite a few minutes, with Kenshin looking confused and Saitou frowning as usual.

But after a time the "pop"s became less frequent, and Hiko seemed to turn back towards the side of him that was sanity.

And finally, after an eternity, Hiko was good.

For lack of a better word, yes, he was GOOD!

And he stood in his usual cool manner and began speaking in his usual rude and sarcastic way. He cleared his throat and began his previous question that had been interrupted by his "pop"ping. "Baka deshi?"

Kenshin responded in his usual rurouni way. (Must I explain that to you all?)

"What, pray tell, are you doing here?"

"Anou... I need to learn my ougi, de gozaru..."

"Hnnn..." Saitou mumbled in boredom. (But the only reason he said anything at all is because I thought he hadn't had much action for the past few paragraphs. He's still here playing bishounen for all of you who are into that kind of thing.)

"Why?" Hiko demanded in his demanding way.

"Because I'm booooooored!" Saitou exclaimed with added enthusiasm.

Now Hiko and Kenshin both stared at him blankly, and Hiko said, "Not _you_, baka!"

And Kenshin took this moment to answer. "So I can defeat Shishio, de gozaru!"

"Why?"

"Ahh... So we can have peace, de gozaru..."

"Why?"

"... Because peace is good, de gozaru ka?" (Too many "de gozaru"s! AAAGH.)

"Harrumph," Hiko harrumphed. "Fine, then."

And he grabbed Kenshin by the ear and yanked him back into the dark, dank forest, leaving poor Saitou in the dust.

And Saitou said, "Hnnn..." and lumbered off after them.

Now, at this point in our little Kenshin series, there is a fight involving concussions, the fetching of water, and the commenting on the youthful glow of Hiko as announced by Misao. My story refuses to follow this path, because a) Misao is not present, b) Concussions hurt (!), and c) It would take a long time and much paper to drag Kaoru and Co. all the way here, as well as force Kenshin to walk all the way to the stream and fetch water... OK? So forget any of that really ever happened. :)

So...

Hiko had quite a strange way of teaching. In fact, one could not really call it teaching at all. Perhaps "attacking" would be a better way to put it.

Yes, that worked.

Hiko launched himself at Kenshin at a pace that shocked even Saitou, who was looming away in the trees. But instead of mauling him into a million gazillion pieces, as he was quite capable of doing, he simply made little sword "pricks" in those 9 deadly places.

Yup, that's right. 9 places, one nanosecond. _**SPEED.**_

(Minor Spoilers! Again.)

And Kenshin felt but a brush of energy fly past him. In some way that I cannot possibly fathom, he was able to see exactly what it was Hiko had done.

He stood there in shock a moment, and made an attempt to do the same thing.

But, in some bizarre way, Hiko was able to block the un-block-able attack.

And Kenshin gaped, and Saitou smirked at Hiko's sneaky little trick.

And Hiko explained that the real ougi was simply a withdrawal of the sword at a God-like -- or faster -- speed. But, of course, Kenshin had proven in the last chapter that he was capable of God-like plus speed, and so he wondered why it was such an important technique.

And Hiko answered that "Battoujutsu" is a rather boring name for a technique that promises doom. Instead, the name "Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki" is given to it.

Yes, you're right again. A cooler name for the exact same technique.

And Kenshin nodded in understanding.

And Saitou said, "Hnnn..." for the last time, I swear!

Hiko sighed and said that now Kenshin had so-called mastered the ougi, Kenshin had to kill him. (There's a reason why they call it the succession technique.)

Kenshin was shocked at this and, of course, he refused. He hadn't killed for 10 years and he wasn't about to now, even if it meant he was to become the true master of his style. Instead, he simply bowed and apologized in his typical way, and walked out of there.

And Hiko thanked Kami-sama he was alive!

And Saitou said, "Hmmm..." and followed his archenemy.

And that was it. For now.

**Owari, Chapter 3**

* * *

Whee! That's it! You like? You no like? Please tell! Anyways, I've noticed this chapter is shorter, but it's more wordy, so I hope that's okay with you people. (That is, if there's even anyone reading this...) You know the drill by now, I guess.

Okay, Japanese-English Dictionary, even though I'm sure you knew all of this already... I guess this is just to take up more space or something...

Kami-sama: God or Gods... see also: _Kami_ - same thing.  
Baka deshi: Stupid/foolish/idiotic/dumb/etc. student/pupil/apprentice/etc.  
Battoujutsu: Art of drawing the sword. Therefore, "Battousai": Master of drawing the sword!  
_Also_ Saikyou: Strongest (see above, i.e. Battou_sai)  
_Anou: Um... Literal!  
Ougi: Succession technique  
Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki: Gosh... Something involving a hairspin and a dragon and something really fast... Lit. I have no clue.  
De gozaru: That it is...  
_Also_ de gozaru ka?: That it is? or That is it? or Is that it? etc.  
Sake: Duh?  
Oro: Must I tell you?!  
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: You all know this, I'm sure... Lit. The dragon style of the honorable sword to heaven/ sun... I think.

Yess! That's it! Finished! Only twenty bazillion chapters to go! (Actually, to be honest with you, I have no clue how many chapters to go...) Thanks to you all for reading (if you even did) and please please review! I'm living off reviews right now!

Special thanks to all those who already reviewed! As I write this, there are... 9 of you Yeah, woohoo. Note my enthusiasm. 9.

**Faerie-chan:** Yeah, I wanna make him smile, too! Uh... You said he was a sped? Um, I can't decide whether that means gay, immature or retarded. I didn't want him to be any of those! Well, thanks for your review anyways!

**Chaos:** Randomness is me! Glad you like it!

**Incoherence:** It made you laugh? I'm glad! That was the intent!

**Karta:** Thanks for the review and the compliment! Thanks a LOT! I appreciate it!

**Inu-Angel Z:** WHAAT?! Continue if I like? I want to know if you want toread more! Hmph. Well, whether you want to read more or not isn't my problem! Here's more for you! Hnnnnnn... but thanks a lot anyways.

**L. Sith:** Magical Number, that was you! Glad you liked it!

**Incoherence:** _Actually,_ that made you laugh? Expect nothing less from the great Jovian Angel! Thanks!

**Chiruken:** Here's more for you, too! Glad you liked!

**Yukishiro-sama:** Wow! 2 reviews from you! Thanks a lot for the encouragement! I'm so glad you like it! -huggles fanfic-Thanks! Thanks a lot!

So extra thankies to you ALL! Yup, all 9 of you. Whoo.

* * *

**Next Chapter (if there are any of you planning on reading any more): On Manic Ciggy Obsessions and Rabid Tanuki**

Warning: Kaoru speaks! (-evil laugh-)

Please look forward to it.


	4. Chapter Before the Next

**Notes: **Song of the Moment is "Take the Skinheads Bowling".

-sigh- I'm inspired to write! Do yourself a favor and never EVER listen to that song!

**Warnings: **For the first time, a warning! Kaoru speaks!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kenshin. It is the property of Watsuki-sensei and a whole gaggle of other bigwigs who have nothing better to do than to argue the fact that I don't own Kenshin.

Kenshin: I'm not an "it"! Hnnn . . . Just because I have girly looks doesn't make me a trans--

6: Wellll... On with the fic.

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Lovingly, Carry a Tough Shinai'

THERE WAS KAORU...  
AND SHE WAS IN LOVE...  
AND THERE WAS KENSHIN...  
AND HE WAS, UH, SOMEWHAT PARTIALLY PERHAPS MAYBE IN LOVE?  
BUT KENSHIN WAS GONE...  
AND SO KAORU LEFT...  
AND CHASED HIM TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH...  
AND SHE FOUND HIM! YAYS TO KAORU!  
AND KAORU WAS HAPPY...  
AND KENSHIN WAS HAPPY . . . MAYBE.  
AND SAITOU THOUGHT, WHERE'S MY TOKIO WHEN I NEED HER?!

* * *

**Chapter 4:**  
On Manic Ciggy Obsessions and Rabid Tanukis

Saitou frowned.

He was lonely, and Kenshin could tell.

He could tell by the way Saitou sighed constantly and consumed more cigarettes than humanly possible.

He could tell by the way Saitou never spoke.

He could tell by the way Saitou was always alone.

Saitou sighed, and Kenshin sighed in exasperation.

And, so, he popped the question. (No... Not that one... The other question...) "Saitou, are you in love?"

And Saitou looked at him a moment and wondered how he knew. He decided to be honest for once. "Actually... I'm married."

Kenshin face-faulted in giga-shock for the second time in this story. "Naaaaaaniiii?!"

And Saitou was saddened at the mere thought of his lovely wife. He began to sob. "WAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" he sobbed.

Kenshin felt rather odd in being at that place at that time, and so he began to wander off ever so silently.

Saitou pulled out a cigarette and sniffed. "I miss my dear little Tokio!"

Now Kenshin felt bad for Saitou. He felt guilty. He felt sorry. He felt ashamed. Only, the thing was, he didn't really know why.

He just did, OK?!

OK.

And so Kenshin made an attempt to comfort Saitou in the best way he could.

But that only made Saitou feel like a pity party.

And he frowned.

He HATED IT!

And so he simply walked off to wherever it was he was going, forming a cloud of smoke above him.

And Kenshin had the sudden urge to yell out, "Toot toot!" and if you had been around at the time, you might have thought that Saitou was pretending to be a train.

And Kenshin laughed maniacally.

And Saitou frowned.

But suddenly...

The sound of rushed footsteps could be heard in the grass. To Kenshin and Saitou, it sounded much like the charging of a wild animal, and so they moved out of the way for it.

... Which reminded Kenshin of his mission. "Anou... Saitou?" he asked.

"Hnnnnnn...?"

"How do you stop an elephant from charging?"

"Hnnnn..."

"Take away its credit card!"

Saitou blinked.

Kenshin blinked.

They blinked in unison. "Well, that was useless..." Kenshin muttered. "The man's as stiff as Aoshi!" And actually, he didn't know what a credit card was. And neither did Saitou. It was a moot point all along. Don't you love how I waste time like this?

'Stiff as Aoshi, am I?' Saitou thought. 'That's saying something.'

And at that very moment, Aoshi popped in. He sliced at Kenshin with his long cape thing for _ever_ saying such a thing, and, upon missing, disappeared into the mist.

"Oro?"

"Hnnn..."

Now, at this point, Kenshin and Saitou could see a yellow speck charging in their general direction. The earth rumbled with the power of the thing, and they were thrown around by the sheer weight of it. Soon, they heard a sound coming from it. "-!"

Kenshin gasped and then groaned. There was only one person who could scream that loudly.

One Kamiya Kaoru.

Kenshin made a sound not dissimilar 'Eep!' and tore off into the waist-deep wheat growing near him. Saitou stood back and watched him a moment before slumping onto the grass in a most distressed way.

He was alone.

Again.

Damn.

Now, by this point, Kenshin was miles upon miles away, thanks to his God-like speed. He discovered a patch of dandelions and was reminded of the first chapter of this story.

He was about to pop a head off, but he was reminded of a review sent by faerie-chan, saying he sounded like a sped for popping heads off dandelions. He sighed. He frowned. "Hmph." He most certainly wasn't a sped, whatever that was. And so he glared at the dandelions for a long, long time.

But suddenly, again...

He was jarred into the earth by a force he determined to be Kaoru. (If you'd like to see a picture of this scene, kindly tell me. I'm drawing one, and I could e-mail you a copy of it. No pressure. Just a suggestion. Not that I can draw, but I love perspective. Helps, don't it? xDDD)

Kaoru leapt onto her boyfriend/ brotherly figure/ fatherly figure/ chum/ distant relative figure.

"Oroooooooooo..."

Now, Kaoru was a very talkative person, and she began to speak.

Nearby, in Kyoto, a light burned out. A shot was fired. A woman screamed.

She took a deep breath. "Oh . . . '  
pleasepleaseiwannagohome! Idon'tlikeKyotoatallit'!"

"Oro?"

"Don'tyou'oro'mesillythat'--wenttoseeHikobutyouweren'!"

"Ah... Sessha--"

"Don'tyougoand'sessha'''tyou?"

Kaoru continued on in this way for quite a few more hours, pausing on occasion for a breath and to take a sip of water. Kenshin, of, course, caught none of it.

Saitou smirked in his Saitou way and lit up yet again. He was becoming a craved lunatic for the things. He'd hate to know what would ever happen if he lost--

"Saitou-san! Yoroshiku!" Kenshin hollered at him from a distance. Saitou looked up to see that his not-quite-but-kinda-sorta-not-really companions were lined up as if ready to parade to Kyoto.

He groaned. A parade to Kyoto?! How retarded!

They wouldn't.

The little voice in his head told him otherwise. 'Oh, yes they would. Oh, yes they would!' it squeaked in its annoying little way.

He groaned and got into the line, demanding as he walked, "WHY?!"

Misao and Yahiko giggled. Kaoru and Kenshin shrugged. Saitou fumed.

And so they made their way to Kyoto, Misao and Yahiko marching in a stately manner, Kenshin grumbling and trudging, Kaoru speeding in speech, and Saitou frowning and, well... walking.

What Saitou didn't notice was that he had forgotten his cigarettes on the grass behind him... (-sigh- Totally unpredictable, no?)

Mua ha ha...

Horror struck Saitou as he realized his mistake. "AAAAAAAAAGH!" he screamed in agony. He clutched at his throat and made an attempt at 'catching' the smoke which was quickly receding from above his head.

Kenshin turned around to peer at him anxiously. Screaming was not Saitou's thing, that was for sure. "Nani?" he asked worriedly.

But Saitou was at the stage where nothing could get through to him. He swerved dangerously on his feet, only to charge off, only to return, only to dig frantically in his pockets, only to scream, only to do it all over again.

Yes, Saitou had most definitely lost his cigarettes.

"Turn around!" he shrieked to the front of the line. "I MUST... I must get back there!"

Misao and Yahiko looked at him curiously.

Kaoru looked at him strangely.

Kenshin looked at him sympathetically and patted him on the back. "Maa, maa..." he said softly. "We can get some in Kyoto, right?"

Saitou exploded. "NONONONONONOOOOO! I need them NOWW!" He fell to the ground and pounded his fists into the earth with incredible force, the cravings getting stronger with every punch.

Kenshin drew back with haste to avoid getting obliterated. "S-Saitou... ? Perhaps we can just... You know... Work this out? Ne?"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kenshin was getting irate. "God, you idiot! Just wait awhile, will you? Can't you put on a Nicotine patch or something?!"

Saitou blinked. "Okay." He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of those stop-smoking aids. He popped out a piece of gum with a _crnk_ and chewed on it thoughtfully. The cravings gone, he felt like a new man!

Kaoru, Kenshin, Yahiko and Misao sweatdropped. "Are you quite finished?" Kaoru asked.

"Ah, yes..." Saitou chirped. "Never better, never better... Nice day, isn't it?"

Three jaws, Kenshin's excluded, hit the earth at that moment. Kenshin smirked evilly.

"What?" Saitou skipped off in Kyoto's general direction, singing. "Dakeda wo mamoru koto naite... Kantan ni dekinai ne... Kimi mi furuhame mo, tobeware naiyo!" (1)

Kenshin was annoyed. "That's my song, BAKA! Not to mention you forgot the whole first verse!"

Saitou turned. "Now that wasn't very nice, now, was it? Tsktsk... Control your anger next time, silly!"

"Naaaaaa--"

"Eeh hee hee hee! We're off to see Kyoto! The wonderful Kyoto of Japan! We hear it is the greatest city, if ever a greatest city there was! If ever or ever a greatest city there was, the city of Kyoto is one because... Because because because because becau--"

Kaoru slapped him. "Shut up, will you?"

Saitou looked about as hurt as Saitou could humanly look. "Now, you're not very nice, either, are you? You're hurting my feelings! And I don't like you!" And with that, he tore off into the fields, head in hands.

Kaoru, Yahiko and Misao looked on in shock. Kenshin just kinda stood there. Kaoru questioned this lack of shocked-ness aloud.

"Saa... You see, Kaoru-dono... I've known him for a long time! Since before you were even born!" Kaoru paled. "I know the effects of those aids on him!"

"Then WHY, pray tell, did you give them to him?!" Misao demanded angrily.

"Because..." he began to laugh. "Because it's the world's funniest experience! I couldn't help it! WAI!" He exploded into gales of laughter, the others simply standing by with dark glares. "Anou... Min'na?"

"Kill him," Kaoru said evilly.

"Eep! What did I do?!" Kenshin cried as he was chased to the ends of the earth by a weasel, a raccoon and . . . Yahiko. "Eiiiiiiiii!"

He stopped to pop a head off a dandelion, not caring if faerie-chan thought him a sped.

And that was the end!

**Owari, Chapter 4**

* * *

Wow! Like, Wow! I can't believe I finished this chapter in a day! WOWWOWWOW! Seriously, I was experiencing major writer's block... Whoo, I'm glad that's over with.

Hmmm... Some Notes: Ugu! Pretty short chapter... Hope it sufficed for all you readers... Next one will be longer, I promise!

Um, did this chapter really, really suck? I definitely don't think it was one of my best ones... The next one will be better, too... I'm sorry if this really stunk!

Japanese - English Dictionary! (Like you need it, but oh well...)

(Not Japanese) Sped: I haven't the foggiest! Someone care to enlighten me?  
Owari: End  
Anou: Um . . .  
Min'na: Everyone or something like our 'guys' as in "Hey, Guys!"  
Saa: Well as in "Well, well, well, what have we here?"  
Nani: What?  
Baka: Idiot/Stupid/Unintelligent/etc.  
Ne: Right?  
Maa or maa, maa!: You probably know this. Kenshin says it a lot. Lit. Calm down! Or "Now, now..."  
Yoroshiku: If you please! In this case, he meant, "If you please, get in the lineup already!"  
Oro: -sigh-  
Wai: Exclamation of... whatever...  
Dojo: School for any kind of martial art i.e. empty-handed or something like Kenjutsu...

(1) For all those who don't know, this is one of the songs Kenshin sings in the RK CD. Please tell me if I made a mistake in the lyrics!

Thanks for reading, if you even did, de gozaru! I love all you reviewers so much! I feel so loved! -sings- Love is in the air... La la la la la la la!

Anyone care to wager a guess on who this chapter is going to focus on? Expect lots of deep pondering moments... Not. -snort- INSANITY AHEAD! WHEE!

* * *

**Next Chapter: On the Raisin and the Plum**

Please look forward to it.


	5. The Next

**Notes: **This chapter, I hope, will be longer and much better than the last. I apologize for that one... Again. Well, as I'm writing this before I actually write the chapter, I can't tell you at this moment whether or not it's better, but I can tell you that I will try to make it wonderful through the best of my abilities.

Also, I'm incredibly sorry about the very bad text-formatting on Kaoru's long sentences... I tried to fix that but it didn't work... SORRY!

**Warnings: **Long-winded speeches, the Raisin's hideaway is made of candy, Saitou makes intelligent conversation (finally), and headaches by the end of it all...

**Claimer:** I do not disclaim to own Rurouni Kenshin... They are already disclaimed by Watsuki-sensei and a pile of other companies who want to feel special...

Oh! Here's a little mess-up I made in Chapter 4. Did anyone catch this?

Saitou: -reads- Saitou pulled out a cigarette and sniffed.  
Kenshin: Hehheh... Hope he doesn't take that the wrong way...  
A few minutes later...  
Saitou: MMPH! Hellllllllp! -cigarette stuck up nose-  
Kenshin: -sigh- He took it the wrong way... I should have known...  
Saitou: !  
Kenshin: This is so amusing!  
Saitou: F--  
Kenshin: Moving on...

And now for the grand moment! It's time to find out who the Raisin and the Plum are! WHEE! ... Even though... no one... guessed at all...

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Long-Winded-ly, Carry a Large Bottle of Tylenol'

THERE WAS SHISHIO...  
AND HE WAS BURNED...  
AND HE WAS UGLY...  
AND HE WAS WRINKLY...  
AND SO THEY CALLED HIM THE RAISIN... ONLY NOT REALLY.  
AND THERE WAS TOMOE...  
AND SHE WAS KILLED...  
BUT SHE WASN'T UGLY.  
AND SHE WORE WHITE PLUM PERFUME...  
AND SO THEY CALLED HER THE PLUM. ONLY NOT REALLY.  
AND THE RAISIN AND THE PLUM...  
THEY WERE BOTH VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION-STARTERS...  
AND SO KAMI WANTED THEM TO BE INVOLVED IN THE STORY...  
AND KAMI SMILED...  
AND... THAT WAS IT.

* * *

**Chapter 5:  
**On the Raisin and the Plum

Saitou frowned. Yes, he frowned.

Which meant, of course, that he was back to his normal frowning self.

Kenshin groaned.

He didn't like this Saitou quite as much. In fact, he didn't like this Saitou at all.

Come to think of it, he didn't like Saitou at all, smoke-deprived or not!

But, alas, he didn't mention that, for he hardly ever expressed his true feelings about anything. That was just the way he was.

So, instead, he turned his mind to what had happened just a few moments ago, while they had been chasing Saitou across Japan...

_Flashback..._

Saitou tore off into the fields, crying loudly. He had been insulted, and he didn't like it. 'Why do they not like me?' he thought to himself. 'What did I ever do wrong?'

He stopped by a small pond and looked at his reflection. Thinking deeply, he began to sing. "Who... is that man I see, staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am... INSIIIIIIIIDE? When will my reflection show... who I am... inside...?" He sighed.

Saitou suddenly exploded into a fit of rage, so atypical of his previous state. "WHYWHYWHY?" he cried out. "WHY? ALL I WANT... ALL... I WANT... IS A FRIIIIIENNNNDDD!" He sobbed into the person nearest to him.

"Uh... Saitou-san?" the person said. "What the...?"

Saitou looked down and screamed. "AAAAAH!" he screamed."S-soujiro-kun?!"

Soujiro smiled in a frowning way. He wasn't happy, but he didn't show it. "Maa, maa, Saitou-san!" He was nearly pushed over by the incredible weight of the man.

Saitou sniffed. "N-n-nobo-body likes me!"

Soujiro blinked in confusion. "Anou..." he ventured. "Do you want a cigarette?"

Saitou nodded. "I just want to be normal..."

Now Soujiro was a henchman of the Raisin who was definitely not cut out to be one. He smiled sympathetically and surrendered his cigarettes to a man in need willingly! (Why Soujiro was carrying cigarettes is something even I can't answer.)

Saitou grinned. "Arigatou! Arigatou! You don't know how much this means--"

Soujiro interrupted him with his hand. "Any time!" He then turned and wandered off to God knows where.

"SAYONARA!" Saitou called out and lit up. He inhaled and exhaled deeply... -drum roll-

And frowned. (Dun dun DUUUUUUUN!)

Now, it was at this point that Kenshin finally decided to show up. Saitou turned as he heard him slugging -- funny word -- through the grass and frowned.

"Anou... Saitou-san..." Kenshin panted out as he drew nearer. He yanked out a pack of cigarettes from Tokyo -- for they were best there anyway -- but stopped in his tracks when he noted Saitou was already under a mist. " Oro?" He suddenly got very, very annoyed and threw the box at his head. "AAGH!"

Saitou merely flinched as the box bounced off him. "Is there a problem here?"

Kenshin fumed. " You mean to tell me that I went ALL the way to TOKYO for no REASON?!"

Saitou pondered. "Yes, that's about right..."

"URGH!"

And Saitou frowned at this. He wasn't especially fond of sounds with no apparent meaning.

And so, he wandered off into oblivion.

And Kenshin Battousai-glared at his back but grudgingly followed...

_End of Monumentous Flashback_

Kenshin finished thinking about the long flashback and resumed pondering on about nothing.

I just suddenly realized Kaoru and Co. are gone. They, uh, ran off and joined the circus.

Saitou was also in the midst of pondering on about nothing. Well, in actuality, he was pondering the Raisin, but there really wasn't much to think about.

1) The man needed to die  
2) They needed to kill him  
3) He couldn't let him kill them  
4) Lists are a good way to make yourself sound intelligent

Not an incredibly difficult concept to grasp. He glanced down at his archenemy/ ally/ companion of sorts/ accomplice/ partner in crime and smirked. Some no-killing vow was not about to stop him from accomplishing his horrific deed. Mua ha haaa. He decided he'd better have a chat with this aforementioned person to clarify the situation. "Oi, Battousai..." he said.

"Oro?" Kenshin glared up at him. "That's not my name!"

"Wakatteru..." he said icily. "But what are you going to do about this vow of yours? You're going to have to break it..."

"Iie," came the response. "Iie, iie, iie, iie! I made a promise! I'm not going to break it!"

Saitou was about to say, 'Hnnn...' but decided against it as it was not exactly intelligible conversation.

"You can kill him!" Kenshin said. "Tomoe-san wouldn' t want me to kill him..." His eyes glazed over at the thought of his previous wife. (Geez, he sure has a way with women, ne? 2 wives!)

"Tomoe? Isn't she dead?"

"Hai... Demo..."

Saitou snorted in disgust. 'Sheesh.'

He barely had time to finish the thought when suddenly the Raisin himself stood before them, oily sword in hand. He quickly frowned in intense shock.

"The strong die... The weak live... That is the way--Wait, that's not quite right..." the Raisin muttered in confusion. He quickly yanked out a script and pored over it a moment.

"Oro?"

"Luke, I am your mother--father--unc--NAANI?"

Saitou and Kenshin looked at the Raisin in befuddlement as he tried to find the right script. He glanced at them sheepishly."Yes... I'm playing Darth Vader in the Star Wars series..."

"Oh..."

He suddenly exploded into song and dance. "It' s a hard enough life... for us! It' s a hard enough life... for--No?"

Kenshin and Saitou shook their heads. That definitely wasn't right, either.

He sighed in exasperation and pulled out a file folder filled with scripts. "Let' s see... Little Shop of Horrors... No... Miss Saigon... No... Les Miserables... No... Rurou--Ah! Here we are! Ahem!" he read. "The strong live. The weak die. That is the way it is."

The nonexistent audience gave a warm round of applause.

The Raisin glanced expectantly at his enemies and groaned. 'What a waste!" he thought. 'A sheer waste of time!' And he departed with haste, leaving behind two people who were comfortably sleeping in boredom.

But suddenly they were both awake again, having registered the fact that the Raisin's monotonous voice was no longer permeating their dreams. "Ikuso," Saitou muttered.

"Where?"

"To find the Raisin again, I suppose..."

Kenshin snorted back a laugh. "The Raisin?! Ha ha ha! I love that! Hee hee! The Raisin... the Raisin..."

Saitou glared and Kenshin hurriedly composed himself. They quickly followed the Raisin's path through the fields and soon came to his deep, dark, dank, secret hideaway. "Sugoi..." they muttered. The place was huge.

In case you' re wondering, the path they were following was a trail of fire left unintentionally by the Raisin. He accidentally let his sword drag in the dry grass. Oops.

The place was huge. You already knew that.

The place was hot. Heck, it was pretty much on a volcano. You probably knew that, too.

The place was made entirely of candy. I'm quite certain you didn't know that. If you did, uh, that's just really, really scary. Saitou and Kenshin got rather ill simply looking at it, but they ventured in regardless.

Inside, they wandered about aimlessly. As we have already mentioned (twice), the place was huge.

They first came to a kitchen, where the Raisin was not. "Anou..." Saitou said. "I wonder why he needs a kitchen if he has a hideaway made entirely of food."

"I have no clue..." came the clueless-as-usual response.

Next was a living room. "Couches made of marshmallows!" Kenshin exclaimed in amusement. He flopped down on one and was surprised as it began to melt. "Oroooo!"

He noticed at that point that the walls appeared to be caving in. "AGH! The walls are melting! The entire place is melting!"

He pulled himself free of the goo and tore out, Saitou at his heels. (No, not literally.) Luckily, they reached the exit before the place was nothing but a lump of sugar.

Something suddenly struck Saitou. "Oi... D'you think we killed him?"

As if on cue, a whirring sound was heard and a helicopter flew smoothly out of the mass.

"Oro? Does that answer your question?"

Saitou frowned. So much for the simple approach.

On board the helicopter, the Raisin yelled. "Spock! Spock! We're going down! Fire the radiators! Man your battle stations!"

Soujiro turned around and smiled at him in confusion. "Anou... I believe you have the wrong script again..."

"Oh..." the Raisin muttered sheepishly. He flicked through the pile of script and finally came up with the RK one again. "Soujiro!" he called out to the man sitting but a few inches away from him.

Soujiro covered his ears to prevent deafness. "Hai, Shishio-sama?"

"Take us to Hideaway X -- The Land of the Dead..."

Soujiro gasped. "We're going to Hell?!"

The Raisin nodded and laughed evilly. "Bwa ha ha ha... BWA HA HA HA... BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"

And Soujiro joined in with his reluctant, "Eh heh heh heh..."

Meanwhile, back on Earth (literally and figuratively), Saitou in his nightgown and Kenshin in his cap settled down for a long winter's nap.

Uh, that' s not right...

Actually, instead they simply stood there, watching the helicopter fly away and wondering where it was going. They really had nothing better to do.

And for some reason he has yet to divine, Saitou suddenly drew himself into a meaningless rant. "What is good? What is evil? How are they alike? How are they different? What are differences? Why are they there? Are they there? Why are people different? Are people different? What makes people different? Why are differences so important? Are they so important? What is importance? Are we important? Are we not? Is everyone important? Who is everyone? Why don't we know everyone? What is knowing? Is it like understanding? What is understanding? Why do we understand some things and not others? What don' t we understand? What do we understand? Are people alike? Why are they alike? Why aren' t they alike? Is alike like being the same? Are we all the same? Are we all not the same? Is that like different? Why do people who are different not always get along? Why can't we just all get along?" Saitou took a breath.

Kenshin looked at him in shock. "I think that's the most words you've said in this entire story!"

The nonexistent a udience applauded once more.

Saitou frowned and said, "Aa... Ikuso..."

"Matte... Before you leave..."

"Aa?"

"I need a Tylenol..."

Saitou frowned in exasperation. "Hai..."

With that settled, they took off towards... uh, wherever it was they took off towards...

And they wandered off, Saitou with a feeling of accomplishment and Kenshin with a feeling of, actually, nothing really... Pain, maybe?

And that...

... Was a good way to end.

**Owari, Chapter 5**

* * *

Wai! Longer Chapter! Was this a better one? Well, I sure think it was... Teehee, the Raisin is going to Hell! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah... You see now, Kenshin and Saitou have finally met up with Shishio... You know what that means, don't you? This story is getting close to being finished! WAHA! Unless... Should I take it past the end of the Kyoto arc or not? Any ideas on just how long this thing should be? In actuality, I wasn' t expecting it to be this long... But people seem to like it, so more ideas just keep coming, thanks to all of your positive support! Thanks a lot, all!

I'm thinking of maybe doing a sequel... What do you people think? Maybe one with Aoshi-sama? Hiko-sama maybe? If anyone agrees or disagrees with those ideas, please tell me! I don' t want to write more if nobody's going to read it!

Ahem. On to the Japanese - English Dictionary, though you don't need it:

Aa: Yes  
Anou: Um...  
Arigatou: Thank you!  
Demo: But...  
Doko: Where?  
Hai: " Yes" or " Here" i.e. in roll call  
Iie: No  
Ikuso: Let' s go!  
-kun: i.e. Soujiro-kun. Saitou referred to him as this because Soujiro is younger than he is. (I think... What is Sou-chan' s age, anyway?) -kun is a respectful way of referring to someone younger than you.  
Maa, maa: Calm down! Or Now, now...  
Matte: Wait!  
Nani: What?  
Ne: Right? Or something you add on the end of a sentence to make it sound cool...  
Oi: Hey!  
Wakatteru: I got that.  
Oro: Duh?  
Owari: End  
Sugoi: Amazing  
Wai: Exclamation of... anything... usually glee... and delegated to anime...

Wow! A lot of Japanese words today! :)

Thanks a lot to all my lovely readers!

Oh, an important note: This is also mentioned in my bio. Those who reviewed me on June 13th, 2003, sadly, your reviews didn't show up! If you search for this story, it'll tell you I have x reviews, but x-3 reviews will actually show up. To all those who reviewed, I'm so sorry your reviews didn't show up! I complained to but I don't think they'll do anything about it... But thanks a lot to you all, anyway...

**To Goddess Bijou**: I sent you an email regarding your odd review. Did you get it? Please reply! Thanks.

* * *

**Next Chapter: On Heaven and Hell and Night and Day**

Please look forward to it.


	6. Chapter After the Next?

**Notes:** If you reviewed, go to the bottom. I have special 'thank you's to all those who reviewed after the last chapter in which I had them. Does that make sense? -reads over- Sure.

Other Notes AKA Saving my Butt: Uh… Hopefully, I'll have this done for Sunday like I planned… But here I am, Saturday night, with about 2 paragraphs written, not including the oh-so-beginning-line-esque "Saitou frowned." So, all you people have to PRAISE me 'cause it's 1:30 in the morning and here I am trying to be funny for you people… Hint: I am not a morning person!

Uh… Other, other Notes?: Lessee… I only wanted three reviews per chapter, not counting bonuses and the like… (i.e. my omake)… -peruses reviewer list- 41 reviews?! That's like… -does math- almost triple the amount I wanted at this point! WAI! Thanks so much to you alls!

Random Pointless Stuff: eBay has an immense pile of Kenshin stuff to sell. Just recently (today) I bought the entire manga set for only $53.50! -cough- WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I so happy! So happy! Anyway, this site has everything for great prices! You should go there!

Er… Thus ends this eBay ad.

**Warnings:** Saitou is (?)normal(?), not, Shishio is in the loony bin, Kenshin is confused as per usual. Soujiro, Yumi and Shishio are in Hell. Kenshin and Saitou will soon be in Hell. That word will be mentioned a lot in this chapter, unfortunately, raising the rating to not much more than about PG-11… even though I know such a rating does not exist. Thank you.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Kenshin, I wouldn't be bothered to write a disclaimer, now would I?

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Hotly, Carry a Hot, Hot Bottle of Bull's Eye'

THERE WAS HELL…  
AND IT WAS HOT…  
AND THERE WAS KENSHIN…  
AND HE WAS HOTTTT!  
AND KENSHIN WAS IN HELL…  
AND SO IT WAS ALL THE MUCH HOTTER THERE…  
BUT SAITOU WAS ICE…  
AND AOSHI WASN'T PRESENT (OR MAYBE HE WAS… WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS?), BUT WAS ALSO ICE…  
AND SO HELL WAS RENDERED NEUTRAL…  
AND KAMI WAS GLAD HE WAS IN HEAVEN…  
AND HE SMILED…  
AND KENSHIN GRIMACED…  
AND SAITOU FROWNED.

* * *

**Chapter 6: **  
On Heaven and Hell and Night and Day

Saitou frowned.

Kenshin frowned.

Saitou and Kenshin invented synchronized frowning. And it was good.

And that was pointless.

And Saitou frowned.

And frowned again.

And frowned again.

And--ehh… stood there.

He was mad.

Again.

He didn't much like the idea of going to Hell. It was hot there. It was scary there. It was dark there. It was… hell there.

Kenshin, on the other hand--Oh, wait… He didn't want to go there, either. It was fire-y, which reminded him of red, which reminded him of blood, which reminded him of his past, which reminded him of Tomoe, which reminded him of his vow, which reminded him of Shishio…

So, neither of them was too keen on going to Hell, but of course, both were obligated to go there.

And so they were unhappy.

And so Saitou frowned some more.

And somewhere, sometime, Shishio shouted out, "Beam me up, Scotty!" which was responded to by a few exasperated sweatdrops from his fellow henchmen.

But Shishio is seemingly unimportant at the moment, and so we are inclined to focus back on our two heroes, who are deeply intent on doing nothing.

And Saitou pulled out a cigarette and smoked pensively.

And Kenshin… stood there doing absolutely nothing.

But suddenly, as if on cue, they took off towards Hell.

"Anou… Saitou-sama?" Kenshin asked. "How far down is Hell anyway?"

Saitou gave a sigh and shrugged. "Just keep digging. We'll get there someday…"

After many, many days of digging and many, many cigarettes, they reached Hell…

And Hell was HOT.

And they stood amidst the flames and fanned themselves with any available object.

Near a nearby rock, Shishio espied them and laughed loudly, much to his misfortune. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"

And Saitou and Kenshin were suddenly in his face. Shishio stared at them blankly and exploded into song. "Food glorious, food glorious, !!!" Soujiro appeared behind him and provided him a script. "Ahhh… The strong live, the weak die… That is the way--Hey, why do I always have to say that?! Hmph. From now on, I get to say his lines!" He pointed at Kenshin angrily.

"Anou… Oro?"

"My line!"

"Oro?"

"My word!"

"Saa--"

"Urusai!"

"…"

And Shishio proceeded to read from the script. "Shishio, you have tormented Japan long enough! The time has come for you to die!"

And Kenshin grimaced at the lame line, suddenly pleased he hadn't been forced to say it. (And also suddenly realizing why the author doesn't write serious stories…)

And Saitou glanced at them both confusedly and then simply did what he did best. ATTTTTTTACK!!!!

And Kenshin stood in the background, not knowing what to do or say. As if on impulse, he snatched a script from one of the props people and began reading off Shishio's part. "The strong live… The weak die… That is the way it--Wait a second… We're all strong, so why are we so bent on killing each other?"

And Saitou stood back, and Shishio stopped oiling his sword.

And they both thought about how that was incredibly, stupidly, dumbly, horribly, insanely, bizarrely, terribly… accurate.

And Saitou and Shishio suddenly hugged and made amends…  
And they both vowed to never kill again!  
And they both smiled! Genuinely smiled!  
And they walked off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

Uh… Actually, no…

Saitou and Shishio stared at each other and made sounds something like, "Feh…" They then proceeded to attack each other again, with Kenshin standing around in boredom.

After a long, long, long time…

Saitou was hot.

Shishio was thoroughly Gatotsu-ed.

Kenshin was still bored. And so he wandered over to the nearest wall and slumped against it in boredom.

And then he stood up. It was not much more exciting near the wall, after all…

But suddenly… again…

An indescribably indescribable force entered Hell in a manner unknown to all. (i.e. Through the hole Kenshin and Saitou had already dug…)

And they all shivered.

…

Ironically.

And they shivered and shivered and shivered some more, and shivered and shivered and shivered until the author had decided they had had enough…

And then they all collapsed in an exhausted heap from shivering so much.

And Aoshi stood and stared at them icily and asked with his icily icy tone, "What?"

But they were all too busy shivering to bother to answer, and so Aoshi left the room without another word to Heaven--er… Hell knows where.

And so it was suddenly swelteringly, overbearingly, horribly hot again.

But, needless to say, Saitou and Shishio resumed their fight without further ado, and Kenshin resumed being bored…

And… is this chapter somewhat lacking in plot, here? Hmm… Let's all be dears and make one!

Suddenly…

A slug crossed their path.

A very burned slug…

A very scalded slug…

A very torched slug…

And…

They all gasped. "GASP!" they gasped.

Shishio cried out in agony, "The… The Black Slug! AAGH! It's… Itsitsits… It crossed our path! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! The Black Slug! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We're all DOOMED!"

And the slug turned towards him and made a sound something like, "Squish?" Yes, it even did sound inquisitive… As bizarre as that seems.

And Shishio screamed and hollered and ran away into the dank, dark, deep recesses of Hell.

And Saitou and Kenshin stared at each other a moment, realizing they were suddenly alone…

And Saitou stared at the slug.

And frowned at the slug.

But then he decided he really had no reason to frown at the slug, and he gave it a cigarette as a gratuity for saving his life -- sorta.

And the slug squished at the cigarette confusedly.

And Saitou lit the floored ciggie.

And Kenshin looked on in complete and utter befuddlement.

But then they left.

'Cause they really had nothing better to do, right?

Or maybe they did.

Yeah, that works.

And the slug looked on after them, and once they were out of eyesight, squished away up the wall, leaving the cig firmly planted on the ground.

And they ran off in incredible haste to do whatever it was they were about to--

BAM!

And, dang, but they didn't even let me finish that sent--

BAM!

AAA--

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

o___O;

--boii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iii-ii-iiiiiing...

"Oro?"

And Saitou was about to make a "similar" comment, but decided to scratch the thought, being as it was a low-rated fic…

Such was the degree of shock when experiencing the above that Saitou and Kenshin spent a moment in silence simply pondering it.

…

For, it was in fact, quite a shock to run into nearly all of your mortal enemies at once, that is, Soujiro, Yumi and the entire Juppongatana… (Can you guess which one went -boing-?)

And so they all spent a long time simply standing there and staring at each other…

And then they all walked away.

And the author has decided to spare you more annoying fillers, so Saitou and Kenshin ran off ag--

BAM!

"Oro!" Kenshin cried as he ran into Aoshi. (Yup, he's made yet another surprise appearance.)

Aoshi said nothing, and Saitou and Kenshin shivered away in front of him.

And Saitou pulled out a cigarette in a meager attempt to regain some of the lost heat. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, savoring every last taste of the seemingly refreshing -- if not just to him -- smoky, bacony, firewood flavor.

Aoshi stood and did nothing, saying nothing and hardly even moving, to the point where they wondered if he was even still breathing.

And after a long, long while, they realized he wasn't going to be doing anything, as so they wandered off again.

Okay, I'm sorry… I lied… That was another useless filler… Gomen, gomen, min'na-sama!

And so they took off again, and were shocked by the fact that they had managed to escape without more surprise appearances.

And they stood by their hole in the ground and pondered.

"Anou… Saitou-san?" the one who wasn't Saitou asked. "What now?"

And Saitou shrugged.

He really didn't know. In fact, he was simply elated to be out of there… And so he walked off with an ethereal sort of air, feeling altogether like he could… smile.

But he didn't.

Instead, he frowned.

And frowned again.

Nope, no smiling for Saitou.

And Kenshin, who had been looking at him with intense anticipation, frowned at the prospect of not seeing Saitou smile…

Which meant, of course, that the fic wasn't over yet…

And Kenshin cursed his luck and dragged himself along after Saitou, with only a single thought running through his mind.

_Will it never end?!_

**Owari, Chapter 6**

* * *

Well?! Ya like? Ya no like? Do tell me; I love a nice review! (Even though I'm quite sure you all already knew that…) Well, for history's sake… It's now officially 3:00 am. All you readers had better like this chapter, or else!!!!!!!!!! Hnnn… Well, I must say this chapter had a slightly not-so-happy ending… I mean, for this story anyway…

Well, you know the drill. Here's the dictionary for all those who don't need it:

Anou: Um… Literally  
Feh: Not entirely Japanese, but Sano says it sometimes… Lit "Whatever."  
Gomen: Sorry!  
Minna: Everyone  
Oro: You should all know this!  
Owari: End  
Saa: Well  
Urusei: Irritating, grating on one's nerves... so kind of like, "Can it," when said by itself

Goshes, I have so few words today! … On second thought, there really wasn't even that much talking in this chapter… That could be why…

Anyways, onto the thank yous… Uh, many, many of you have reviewed since my last thank you page, and many of you, more than once… I don't plan on thanking one person 5 times, though… Sooo… I'll type in your sign-in name, followed by the number of reviews you gave me in brackets… Does that work? Hope so.

Ahem, these are in the order they appear on my list... Thanks.

**Kitty Katana (2):** I love your little blurbs at the beginnings of your reviews! Dat's so cute! Thanks so much! I'm inspired! Also, as for your question... I think I'd put Aoshi with Kenshin anyway, just 'cause Kenshin's my fave character... You know? Thanks so much for reviewing me!

**Sakiya the Stampede (3):** Yeah, I know Saitou can ask a ton of questions... I wanted to give him something to say, though, ne? So I just made him ramble on about nothing...

**Icebluedragon (2):** Oh, YOU! AHHH! Thanks soooo much for reviewing! I can't wait to see your story posted soon! (Hint hint... POST IT!) -sniff- I'm feeling so loved...

**I-am-a-bijin (2):** -sniff- You're going to the Anime Convention? Yeah, I already know that! Thanks for reviewing me and I hope to see you there! I enjoy reading your reviews! (Well, I enjoy anybody's reviews, but that's beyond the point...)

**Fluffy (2):** Some lovely sake for you! -hic-! Thanks for reviewing me! You can sure ask a lot of questions... You also seem to have a knack of making sense out of my story... That's something even I can't do! So... You must be awfully talented... I'm so lucky to have a reviewer like you!

**Gia (2):** -blinks- You don't know what "oro" means?! Well, I sent you an email so I hope it's all cleared up... Thanks for reviewing me... -reads first review- If I inderstood more Japanese, I might be able to comment on that review, but I don't so... Hah!

**Yukishiro-sama (3):** My faithful reviewer since the very beginning! Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! I love you! Love you love you love-- Well, sorta... You know... Well, thanks for your constant support!

**The Fic Critic (2):** I like that name! XP Thanks a lot for reviewing me! I'd be glad to let you manage my little hell-spawn... -evil grin- I know she's got talent, but the problem is she won't let anyone come near her! XP Thanks again.

**GuseBat:** AAGH! You know what sped means! Maybe... WHEEE!! Thanks so so so so so so so so so so so so so so MUCH! At least you gave me an idea of what it might mean... Gods, I was wrong on almost all accounts! -curses- Well, thanks a lot again!

**Inu-AngelZ (2):** Thanks sooo much for reviewing! (Am I starting to sound a little repetitive?) I can't wait to see the next chapter of your story! I'm waaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiting!!!!!! More soon, and I'll keep writing!

**PSYCHO-CHIBI:** Love your name, too! UGH! The Kenshin Lawyers?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! -run awaaaaaaaaaay- Well, I'm glad I could provide you some innard-splitting fun! I'm so glad! You like me, you really like me! -sniff-

**Yamikitsune:** EEhhh... To be completely honest, I had no clue what I was going to do for that chapter... It wasn't until, like, the exact moment of the stop-smoking things that I actually realized what I was going to do... I'm so glad you like that scene!

**L. Sith:** More Saitou x Tokio? I can do that... -reads below- LOOK DOWN THERE! More of that in the next chapter, just for you!!! :)

**Imbrium Iridum:** -grins- My idol is reviewing me! WAIWAIWAI! Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so MUCH! -cough- Next chapter of DP soon, please? Please please please?! Please please please please please?!?!?! Well, thanks again anyway... Even if you do never read this... Oh, and that was a great fairytale idea, but I won't use it 'cause you said you would... -sigh- Oh, well...

**Kayrie:** ACCURATE!? My God! I'm so glad you agree! Even super-OOC-Saitou is still our Saitou... -sniff- WAAHAA! Someone believes! Thanks so much!

**Chocolate Covered Videl:** Geez, I love your name, too! And thanks for putting me on your faves! I feel so appreciated! gasp One of the funniest stories out there? I can't believe that! Well, thanks soooooooooo much again!

**Shihali:** In... co... herence...? Blah... Does that mean you liked it? Ehhh... I hope so! :) Thanks for reviewing!

**Karta:** 20 bazillion more chapters?! Uh... I'm only 15 so... maybe! Thanks so much for reviewing... Glad you agree with the fact that my cat's a complete genius! Thanks soooooooooooooooo much again!

**Goddess Bijou:** Uh... Your review was strange... Sorry it didn't show up, though... Anyways, I sent you an email... Did you get it? PLEASE REPLY! Thanks, though, anyways...

**Yuhi:** Wow, the dictionary helped someone! And here I was thinking I only wrote it to take up space... -gasp- How wrong of me! Heehee, thanks for reviewing!

Uh, I'm pretty sure that's all of you... Please PLEASE tell me if I forgot you and I'll be sure to send you a nice email or something... It's hard to poke through that many reviews! I really hope I didn't forget anyone, though...

So, thanks to you all so much again! Gods, that took a long time! :) But, I loved it! I love you all!

Note: Saitou x Tokio chapter for a part, for all you fans out there! L. Sith, this is for you! Dang, I just hope you read this…

Warning: Saitou has a brother?! But he's already dead?! -frown- So much for a decent plot twist...

* * *

**Next Chapter for those who Actually Survived to all the Way Down Here: On Saitou's Family and the Sheer Irony of What I Just Said**

Please look forward to it.


	7. The Seventh Day, or Chapter

**Notes:** cloud of smoke I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Whoo, I am so sorry for the long update wait… I was in BC, and then I was lazy, and then I had writer's block… And basically, I was dead. Yup, honestly dead.

Apologies: Unfortunately, I'm going on another trip to BC on Saturday morning… I may or may not be able to post another chapter before then… These things take time, you know… Anyways, I'll be gone for a full 2 weeks, which means no uploading for me… Sheesh… I apologize a MILLION times to keep you all waiting so long…

Other: I have 50 reviews! dansu dansu YAY! Count 'em! 50 50 50 50 50 50! Thanks so much to all of my reviewers… As usual, reviewer appreciation will be at the bottom of the chapter… Arigatou again…

**Warnings:** Er… Does this fic really need any warnings at all?! I mean, it's certainly pretty light… Hmph.

And my favorite line: Saitou has a brother? But he's already dead?! Hmmm… So much for a decent plot twist… Bwa ha ha…

**Disclaimer:** Do I own Kenshin? I seem to have forgotten… Somebody care to enlighten me? Arigatou…

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Maternally-like, Carry a… Screaming Child?!'

THERE WAS SAITOU…  
AND HE WAS GOOD… SORTA.  
AND THERE WAS TOKIO…  
AND SHE WAS GOOOOOD, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.  
AND THERE WAS KAMI-SAMA…  
AND HE WAS SYMPATHETIC…  
AND HE FELT SORRY FOR TOKIO…  
BUT TOKIO SAID, NO NEED!  
AND SAITOU WAS GLAD…  
AND TOKIO WAS GLAD…  
AND KAMI-SAMA… DECIDED TO REMAIN NEUTRAL...  
AND THAT WAS ALL…

* * *

**Chapter 7 AKA the Chapter Which Appeared Miraculously One Day: **  
On Saitou's Family and the Sheer Irony of What I Just Said

Saitou frowned.

He was alone. (But not really.)

Again.

He was angry.

Again.

And so he frowned in frowning-ness…

And Kenshin looked up at the depressed man and frowned as well. 'He'll never smile… Never, never, never…' He almost erupted into sobs at that, but was able to control himself. Having a hitokiri's past could do that to a person…

And Saitou frowned some more and yanked out a cigarette from his Endless Pack of Cigarettes. (Much like my Endless Box of Kenshins… Kenshins for all! -throws them at readers-)

But suddenly…

He did hear a sound coming over the snow…  
It started in low…  
Then started to grow…

And Saitou swore he could hear the sound of mite-sized voices singing in a language he did not care to understand… It sounded nary more than gibberish to him…

But, needless to say, they continued on towards Kyoto without further ado… Some random singing voices weren't enough to stop them…

And soon, as it may have been predicted by some readers, they came across Saitou's family…

And Saitou gasped and whispered, "Tokio…"

And Tokio looked up from singing the "Welcome Christmas" song, and whispered, "Saitou…" And slowly, the two began drawing closer and closer together…

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

And finally, they reached each other, and Saitou provided Tokio with the most seducing of embraces. "Tokio…" he mumbled into her ear. "Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

And Kenshin and Eiji in the background looked on in disgust and Kenshin asked, "They're quite good at stating the obvious… Ne, de gozaru ka?" And Eiji nodded in agreement.

"Tokio…"

And it was at this point that Kenshin realized they were going to be there awhile, and so he began perusing the rest of the small crowd that had gathered. There was a man who, on first glance, appeared to be normal… But if one looked at him closely enough, one could tell that he had one green eye and one orange one… Kenshin found this very strange, indeed. There was an old, graying man with no legs and an old, graying woman with only half a face. In the middle of the group sat a coffin, on which was perched a young man with blue hair. Kenshin gaped at them all a moment before wandering over (for he was a wanderer after all) and asking who was in the coffin.

"Aah…" the old lady spoke to him. "'Tis Saitou's o-nii-san…"

Kenshin almost choked. "Saitou's… o-onii-san?"

"Hai…"

"Masaka?!"

"Hai…"

"Hai?"

"Quite slow, aren't you? Ahem, Saitou has a brother. Saitou's brother has recently died. Therefore, the man in the coffin is Saitou's brother!"

"You mean there's more than one from the Saitou bloodline?"

She sighed and muttered sarcastically, "I suppose that's what we'd be drawing from this… Hai…"

"Eep!" Kenshin cried out and momentarily thought about running away forever.

"Too bad… He was such a good man… Oh, well, there's still seven of them left, so I suppose it's not such a loss…"

Kenshin nodded absent-mindedly before doing a double take. "Nani?! Seven more!?"

"Hai… Their mother had eight children… All on the same day, too… Quite miraculous, isn't it? Funny…" she reminisced, "... how they all seemed to think alike…"

But by this point, Kenshin was long gone and desperately trying to drag Saitou away from this loony bin. He had had enough!

"Tokio…" Saitou mumbled.

"Saitou…"

"Tokio…"

"Min'na!"

"Saitou…"

But Saitou was pulled out of his trance by a yell in his ear. "SAITOU-SAMA!" He looked down at his companion-of-sorts and frowned.

"Saitou-sama, can we leave? Sessha means, right now? Right, right now? Let's go… Onegai?"

"Iie."

"Demo… Demodemodemo… What if they show up?"

"Dare?"

"Your brothers…"

Saitou blinked. "I haven't got any brothers…"

Kenshin blinked. "Nani?"

"I'm an only child."

"Nani?"

"Just me…"

"Nani? But then… then…"

"Thennnn…?"

"Who's in the coffin?"

"My great-great-grandfather twice removed's uncle's daughter's son's nephew's neighbor's distant relative's friend's dog."

Kenshin blinked twice. "Oh. Demo, your mother said—"

"She's not my mother."

"Oh," he mumbled, beginning to piece together the random pieces in his mind... (Piece together the random pieces... -.-;)

And Saitou and Tokio resumed their previous engagement without further ado. "Saitou…" Tokio whispered in his ear.

"Tokio…" Saitou suddenly pulled away and led his wife behind a large fence Kenshin was sure hadn't been there a few minutes ago. From behind the fence, the random "Saitou" or "Tokio" could still be heard. And Kenshin sat down on the grass and began to ponder.

But he was suddenly lonely.

And he looked over to Saitou's family conversing amongst themselves, and over to the fence, which spoke for itself, and he was lonely.

And he sighed in his loneliness.

But suddenly…

Megumi materialized out of nowhere and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Oro?" he muttered confusedly, watching as the vision left as quickly as it had come. He watched to see if anyone else would come and delight him with their company, but nobody came.

And so he was alone again.

And he sighed in complete boredom and sat there doing absolutely nothing.

Meanwhile, behind the fence…

"Saitou…" Tokio muttered, pulling on a few stray pieces of her lover's hair.

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

"Tokio…"

"Saitou…"

And it went on…

And over near the coffin, Eiji stood. More people had arrived, making him feel like something of a 10th wheel… He meandered around aimlessly before taking a bored seat beside our momentarily forgotten ex-hitokiri. "Is it real?" he asked on impulse, as he was an impulsive child and it was quite his nature to ask a brash question such as the previous one.

"Nani?" Kenshin turned to look at him confusedly.

"Your hair… Is it real?"

"Oh… It is."

"No way. People just don't have hair that color…"

Kenshin looked down at the small party below him, pointing to the blue-haired man. "His hair is pretty unnatural, too…"

"He dyed it."

"Oh."

"Hmph." Eiji spoke with pride. "So there. I'm right, you did dye your hair."

"Iie… Sessha didn't…"

"You must have."

"Nope."

"You can't have been born with it…"

"Demo, sessha was…"

"No way…"

And suddenly, Kenshin found himself yanked out of Japan and plopped into New York City. "Oro?"

And meanwhile, on millions of televisions across the country, a commercial played, showing a man with red hair wandering around aimlessly, followed by a close-up of this aforementioned hair and a women's voice speaking. "Maybe he's born with it… Maybe it's Maybelline…" The commercial ended, and began playing one advertising chocolate-flavored Band-Aids. Kenshin was thrown back into Japan where he landed with a thud back beside Eiji.

"What was that?" the young boy asked.

"No clue…"

"Oh."

Saitou and Tokio looked up from their affairs at the sunset… They marveled at its beauty a moment before Tokio mumbled, "Saitou…"

Saitou turned to look at her and frowned. "You have something stuck in your teeth."

And Tokio suddenly screeched and ran off to a bathroom, leaving Saitou in a state of shock. "Kidding!" he said loudly, but it was in vain, as she was already too far away to hear him.

And Saitou frowned.

He was lonely.

Again.

And he hated it…

Meanwhile, Kenshin and Eiji looked on in mutual confusion. After quite a few moment of watching night fall -- "Itai," it said. This author couldn't help herself -- Eiji asked, "So is it real?"

"Hai!"

"I don't believe you…"

"Oh—" Kenshin started to say, but was suddenly surrounded by adoring women. "Nani?" The song "Beauty School Drop-Out" started playing in the background.

Kenshin's eyes widened as the form of Kaoru materialized before him. Kaoru stared daggers and yelled, "How could you? After all we've done…" She ran off behind the fence, but reappeared after a nanosecond with a look of pure horror on her face. She then continued running in the general opposite direction.

"Kaoru-koishii, onegai, let me explain!" Kenshin cried out and tore after her.

But suddenly, the picture completely froze, leaving him in a state of utter rigid-ness…

Because the chapter was over.

**Owari, Chapter 7**

* * *

Well? Was it good? Bad? Horrible? Wonderful? In between? You decide! The button is right there! Clicky, clicky! You know you want to… -persuasive glare- You want to… -dangles pendulum- You want to review me… You want to review me…

Okieday, then. Japanese-English Dictionary for you:

Arigatou: Thank you (informal)  
De gozaru (ka): That it is, that he is, etc… "Ka" denotes a question.  
Demo: But.  
Hai: Yes  
Hitokiri: Generalized – assassin  
Iie: No  
Itai: Owww!  
Koishii: Beloved (when referring to a woman)  
Masaka: Really?  
Nani: What?  
Ne: Right?  
Onegai: Please.  
O-nii-san: Brother  
Oro: Doiiiiiiiiiiiiiii… You should all know this by now  
Owari: End  
Sessha: Archaic version of "I"

Anyhoo, that's all! Special thanks to all my reviewers!

Chapter 6 Reviewers:

**Inu-Angel Z:** Teehee! Thanks so much for reviewing! You can be sure I'll read your story as soon as you post the next chapter!

**Fluffy8:** Awww… I feel so bad for you, having your sign-in name changed… Stupid … -sniffs- Thanks for that (somewhat pointless?) review, and thanks for putting me on your faves! I feel so… loved! MWAH!

**GuseBat:** Thanks so much… I'm so happy people think this is funny! -dances- Thank you thank you thank you! -huggles-

Omake Reviewers:

**Some Random Person:** Haha, I love that name! OMG, you're reading my fic again?! Somebody actually likes it enough to read it again?! Geez, thanks so much! Thank you! All you reviewers make me just SO happy!

**Inu-Angel Z:** Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay Okay… etc. I continued. Thanks so much!

**Kitty Katana:** O.o Oh my God, you killed Saitou! AAAAGH! -runs away- You're on a killing spree? -peruses story- Hope it wasn't my fault… Thanks for reviewing! -pulls KK out of Hell- Good reviewers don't belong there! Thanks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!

**Fluffy8: **10 whole minutes?! Am I really that funny? I don't believe it… Well, this whole reviewer thank-you think is getting repetitive… How can I make this one original? Hmmm… I eternally am in your debt for regarding my piece of literature with interest. :) Thanks so much!

**Some Random Person:** Teehee, I already thanked you! I'm so glad you like this story! A refreshing oasis? -ponders- I like that…

**GuseBat:** You know the drill by now… But… someone envies my story writing? -deep breath- ! Well, thanks a lot anyways… I'm so happy!

**Hitokiri Kitsune:** You liked the gum part? So did L. Sith! Are you related?-grin- Just kidding...Thanks a lot for reviewing me!

**Sakiya the Stampede:** Sankyuu! Thanks so much! -sobs- Glad you enjoyed this! I must admit that my Omake is pretty stupid sometimes… Oh well… Peace out -points up with one finger and makes peace sign with opposite hand- Wow, wasn't that pose so shoujo?

**Furea/ Toshi Ishimi:** O.o Long review… Oh, but it was so much fun to read! Hey, that's a great omake idea! Maybe I'll use it! And yeah, the basic point of my story was for it to be completely blunt… Glad someone thinks it turned out properly…

Hey, are you people aware that you threw me out 13 reviews since my last update? I'm so happy! You like me, you really like me! -sniffs- WAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! I'm so sorry I kept all of you lovely reviewers waiting so long… Thanks so much for being reasonably patient with me…

Yays, all done! Thanks so much to you all again! L. Sith, I hope you read this chapter 'cause it was made especially for you! See you all next chapter, whenever it comes out!

* * *

**Next chapter for those who don't really care at all: On a Definition of Oro and the Reason for Our Very Existence**

Please look forward to it.


	8. THAT Chapter

**Notes:** Chapter 8 has been released after receiving special permission from the Asylum for the Happy in Citytownville, Kentucky, my new abode. I have hereby been given a special promotion to the "Some Human Contact" ward, which means I can now post my chapters… That's why you had to wait so long… The men in white jackets are stiff and very difficult to bribe… :)

Okay, okay… I was on Vancouver Island… No Internet, just my laptop… So, I typed a couple of chapters for you all! I'm so sorry for the delay, but the only time I had on the 'Net was in those little Internet cafes, and there was a line-up, so I didn't waste time in posting the chapter.. And, my God, was that a run-on sentence or whaat?! Okay, again… Sorry… Thankies are at the bottom as per usual. Love you all!

**Warnings:** -snort- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… -goes on forever-

**Disclaimer:** Who thinks I own Kenshin? Huh? -crickets chirp- Thought so.

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Oro-filled-ly (?), Carry a Handful of Existence'

THERE WAS "ORO"…  
AND IT WAS A WORD… OR MAYBE IT WASN'T…  
AND THERE WAS REAL LIFE…  
AND IT EXISTED… OR MAYBE IT DIDN'T…  
AND KAMI-SAMA STOOD BACK AND PONDERED THEM BOTH…  
AND KAMI-SAMA BECAME CONFUSED ON WHETHER OR NOT IT "WASN'T" OR IT "DIDN'T"…  
AND SO KAMI-SAMA CREATED KENSHIN…  
AND KENSHIN WAS CONFUSED FOR KAMI, INDEED…  
AND SO KAMI SMILED…  
AND SAITOU SMIRKED…  
AND KENSHIN ORO-ED SOME MORE…

* * *

**Chapter 8:  
**On a Definition of Oro and the Reason for Our Very Existence

Saitou oro-ed.

Oh, wait, that's not right. Kenshin oro-ed.

But now we're forgetting tradition! Oh, my God, oh, my God, let's just start over…

Saitou frowned.

He wasn't alone anymore.

It made him mad.

It made him angry, furious, enraged, irate, incensed, petulant, raging, wrathful and provoked.

It made him irked.

It made him redundant.

But he wasn't alone. And so he frowned. Really, in the past little while, he hadn't been able to find anything to soothe his strange _thing_. When he was alone, he wanted company, but when he had company, he wanted to be alone! All in all, it was quite strange.

And so he frowned about it.

And frowned some more -- Just for the heck of it.

And nearby, Kenshin glared up at his, um, companion and willed him to smile. (i.e. 'Smile, smile, smile!' he willed. )

But, either Saitou was very weak in ki sense or very good at disguising this aforementioned sense, because he simply stood there, without moving or blinking or even frowning! After a short while, Kenshin began to wonder _what was up_.

And meanwhile…

Saitou tore across the field "happily", i.e. emotionlessly, pleased to be alone again.

And he suddenly frowned (again).

For he had suddenly some to the conclusion that he needed company again. He had come to expect this feeling for some time now, and so he knew precisely what to do. He about-faced and returned to wherever it was he had come from. (Who actually knows where they are? In fact, after the previous chapter, they ran off all by their lonesome. I had to search for hours! So, I'll just say they're somewhere on the way to Kyoto…)

When Saitou finally reached wherever it was he was going, he wasn't surprised to find our dear Kenshin poring over the wooden decoy confusedly. Saitou could have laughed at his ingenuity, or even smiled… but he didn't. Instead, he cleared his throat and said, "Oi."

And at this, Kenshin looked up with an (if possible) even more confused look and let out a resounding "oro." Or, at least I think it was an "oro." It may have been an "ororo." Oh, well…

And at the sound of this, Saitou covered his ears and complained for the first time ever (in this story, anyways). "Have I ever told you how incredibly stupid that word is?"

"Oro? What word?"

"That word."

"Oro?"

"Hai, that word."

"Oh. Hai, actually… Everyone tells sessha it's stupid, de gozaru."

"So why must you use it?"

"Shiran."

Saitou sighed. He ha--Well, hate was a strong word. He strongly disliked the word with a passion. Heck, he didn't even know what it meant, but he hated, well, intensely loathed it nonetheless. So, as a spur-of-the-moment question, he asked, "So, what does it mean?" On second thought, it wasn't really imperative that he know, but oh well, it would waste time.

And at this, Kenshin immediately yanked out his 'Official Book of Kenshin Words,' where he flipped the pages to the 'O' section. "Oro:" he read, "An expression of confusion, shock, horror, excitement, sadness, happiness, etc. normally used by K--oh, er… me. May be used without warning and at any given time, even when it is pertained to be irrelevant to context. See also: 'Ororo' and 'Ororororororo…'" Kenshin looked up from the book. "Does that clarify it?"

Saitou frowned. He still didn't know what would make a person want to use a word like that. It was so… Saitou couldn't quite figure out what the word was that he wanted to put in that spot.

But suddenly, as if on cue, Shishio leapt up from nowhere. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed maniacally. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed some more.

And Kenshin and Saitou stood there in confuzzlement (though I know that's not a word) for a moment, pondering what might be in store for them this time. While they did that, Shishio laughed some more incessantly. He continued on his laughing rampage until he was rudely interrupted by himself. Shishio coughed from lack of air, and, once he had regained his breath… continued laughing some more. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"

And Kenshin and Saitou stood there for awhile, but soon left as they realized Shishio was showing no signs of even taking note of their presence. They took this to their advantage as they sneaked away to God only knows where.

And suddenly God Himself showed up and pointed them in the right direction. He walked with them a little ways, making small talk, before disappearing off into Heaven and leaving them with their own devices once again. Kenshin and Saitou continued on as if nothing peculiar in the least had happened, making their way to Kyoto at quite a slow pace, surprisingly. Saitou lit up quite a few times along the way, and Kenshin almost grew bored, as he had nothing to take up time. He almost started singing, before he remembered he wasn't alone and thought better of it.

Then, a thought came. 'Make. Him. SMILE!' Kenshin drew back slightly and pondered Saitou's retreating form, wondering how he could make the man smile. As we have mentioned before, in many of the previous chapters, he really had no clue on how to do it. Every idea he had though up just seemed highly un-Saitou.

But, on second thought, Kenshin thought that Saitou having a wife was very un-Saitou, so… Maybe there was more to the man than he had initially thought…

And so, Saitou walked and smoked, and Kenshin walked and pondered, and all in all, it was a fairly silent journey.

But, alas, after many, many moments on pondering about Saitou, Kenshin grew bored once again and began pondering what every ponderer has once pondered: The Meaning of Life.

And, strangely enough, Saitou started pondering the meaning of life at almost the exact same moment. Now, that was coincidental! A little too coincidental… (And that was cliché… A little too cliché…)

And so Saitou and Kenshin pondered their separate ponders.

Saitou thought, "Life is like a big, fat box of cigarettes. The more you take, the closer you get to death."

And Kenshin thought, "Life is like a Sakabatou. If you don't use the blunt side, someone's bound to die. But, waaaait a second… In life, someone's bound to die anyway… Chik'so, that doesn't work…"

And Saitou and Kenshin both thought about the meaning of life for a long, long time. Saitou was running out of ideas, and Kenshin had really had none to begin with. 'Life is like… a pillowcase… It's soft and fluffy and… No… Life is like a tree stump… Pink bunny slippers… Feather dusters… Sake… Ah! Life is like sake… The more you use up, the less you have…'

And Saitou and Kenshin thought for a long, long, long, long, long time more. Just to give you the impression on how long they thought, consider the length of time Kenshin & Co. spent fighting Shishio. Double that and add 2 episodes, and that's how long they thought for. In other words, it was a long time. A very long time, indeed.

And Saitou frowned some more. He was out of ideas.

And Kenshin almost frowned, but decided to set an example and smiled instead.

And Saitou looked over at him and simply frowned some more. After quickly making sure the man wasn't looking in his general direction, he yanked out a weathered, dog-eared book labeled 'The Meaning of Life for Dummies.'

Saitou perused the book for a moment and frowned. 'What?' he thought. 'There's no reference to smoke or cigs in here? Life is a box of chocolates? Life is a bowl of cherries? Oh. My. GOD.'

Saitou nearly exploded in agony and threw the book at the nearest available solid object, which was a nearby tree. He pondered the picture a few moments before saying aloud, "Life is like a book about life. If you throw it against a tree, you'll never find out how it's supposed to end."

Kenshin blinked.

Saitou blinked.

They both blinked.

Shishio appeared out of nowhere again and laughed insanely. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"

And Kenshin suddenly thought of another phrase that was incredibly stupid and not even remotely funny, even if it was meant to be. "Life is like a Raisin… If you don't shut it up, it'll just keep laughing."

And Shishio suddenly stopped.

And Shishio suddenly glared.

And Kenshin was suddenly very, very scared of what the man could do to him. He quickly hid behind the tree stump he had examined some time back.

And Shishio glared and glared and glared some more, and glared and glared and glared and glared… and ran away forever.

And Saitou looked at his retreating form strangely.

And Kenshin did the same, except that he smiled ever so slightly. He inwardly laughed at Shishio's baby-ish nature in a very un-Kenshin-esque way and smiled wider.

And Saitou frowned.

And frowned some more.

And did exactly what you all expected him to do. He sm--frowned again.

(AN: Yes, that was the anticlimax… Bua ha ha… Expect a climax any time soon now… It's coming… It's comin--It vanished. I deceived you once more. OHNOES.)

And Kenshin Do Ryu Sen-ed into the nearest available piece of land in his anger. 'Grrrr…' he thought, and began reciting a single mantra/ oath in his head over and over. 'Make him smile make him smile make him smile…'

And, over by the tree, a very mutilated book sat in loneliness. Kenshin quickly noticed it and scooped it up, flipping through the pages. Not only was Saitou victimizing humans, but he was taking out his anger on the harmless little books!

And Kenshin spoke a few words to end the exceedingly short chapter. "Life is like a bowl of Saitous. Chances are you'll never pick a happy one."

**Owari, Chapter 8**

* * *

PLEASE, BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING, READ THIS! Are you reading? Thank you… I need to take a vote… Who do you think I should use for the sequel? Like, Aoshi or Shishio or Hiko or… I mean, you decide, people! Vote for someone else if your favorite wasn't there, but PLEASE VOTE! This is quite important to me 'cause I want all of my readers to be happy! (Or at least, the majority anyways… ) Okay, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do that! For me? PLEAAAAASSSEEEEE?!?!?!?!?! Arigatou, arigatou! Oh, and also, if you think I shouldn't waste my time on a sequel, don't hesitate to say so. stern teacher look. Honesty is the best policy.

-sigh- GOMENGOMENGOMEN over and over and over and over! This chapter is so short! Please don't hate me, PLEASE! I think it's still pretty funny… Of course, whatever I think is highly unimportant, so PLEASE REVIEW even though I know you would have anyways… I hope it didn't really, really suck… Anyhoo…

Next chapter will be way longer, I SWEARS! I'll make it, like, 10 pages or something, to make up for this one… I am so sorry… I mean, I covered everything I wanted to, but I just kinda ran out of inspirational thoughts!

Anyways, here's the Dictionary, even though none of you need it by now, I'm sure…

Chikuso: All-purpose curse  
De gozaru: That it is  
Gomen: Sorry  
Oro: Did I make it clear enough for you in this chapter?!  
Shiran: Um… 'shiranai,' or "I don't really know."

Oh, shortage of words! Well, there wasn't a lot of talking in this chapter either… Mmm… Maybe I should start writing more speaking, ne? I DON'T KNOW!

I did notice, though, that my paragraphs are getting a lot longer… Maybe that means such a short chapter isn't so bad! Eh, he he he… -nervous grin- You know?

Gods, long notes at the end… This is just like one of my typical "Jov's Ranting E-mails" (_Although that isn't my sign-in name any more...) _Seriously, BEWARE if I send you an e-mail… It'll go on forever…

Oh, and one more thing: In actuality, this chapter really isn't so short… I'll give an example. Chapter 5 had 2475 words. In comparison, this chapter has 2276 words! It's not really that big of a difference, ne? And besides, Chapter 5 was one of my longer ones! Chapter 4 had only 1992 words! :) So, really, be happy all, 'cause it actually was a pretty long chapter! It just had longer paragraphs and sentences! :) YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Anyways, thanks to all my reviewers again! :):) And here's the list again, in the order they appear:

Reviews for Chapter 7:

**NekoShinsen:** Freakin' random… and weird… but amazing?! Geez, the first two I can understand, but AMAZING? I feel so special…

**Ethelflaed:** You have no clue how many times I typed in your name before I got it right… -looks over- That should be right, ne? Anyhoo, thanks so much! Sarcastic Wolf… Ha! Soujiro-glomping… Ha! Love it, love it ALL!

**Kitty Katana:** Aww, I know your Kenshin from the Endless Bag of Kenshins isn't worth quite as much as it would have been had the E B of Ks not been passed out… Oh, well… Um… -reads last sentence- Did that make any sense whatsoever?

**Neko-Kitsune-gumi:** Like that name, yo! I won an award! I don't even care if it was a non-existent award! I WON AN AWARD YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! -catches CD- Oh, I already have this one… Yare, yare… -pops it in and sings along- HITORI DE WA TOUI ASHITA WO! YOAKE TO… something, something… Whatever. Thanks soo much!

**Sakiya: **I know, everyone was all alone! WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, well. Yeah, they did keep that going for awhile, didn't they…? Thanks a lot!

**Yukishiro-sama:** I missed your reviews! -sobs- I'm… so… -sobs more- glad you finally reviewed again… -sniffffffffff-… Thanks sooooooooo much!

**Some Random Person:** You again? Oh wait, how do I know you're the same random person who reviewed me last time? It's all a conspiracy! FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Um, actually, never mind… Thanks so much for reviewing me again…

**GuseBat**: We -static- appear to be having some -BZZZZZZ- technical diff--more static Than-annoying, blank buzzing sound-

**Inu-Angel Z:** More of my story MORE OF YOUR STORY! YAYYAY! :) I need more right now! Thanks so much!

**Taji:** Make him walk into a hippo? Now that's just silly… I love it. BEWARE THE APPEARANCE OF THE RANDOM HIPPO IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! BUA HA HA! Thanks for the idea!

**Icebluedragon:** I love you. But not… in… that… sort of way… You had better update soon! (What that really means is, you should update NOW!) You know you want to… You know you want to… You know -hit on head with a Kenshin-… Uguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

Reviews for other chapters since my last update:

**Kenshinjunkie03:** Interesting? That can't be right… I could almost take that as a compliment! Thanks so MUCH! And, yes, many people have commented on the dictionary… Glad you found it useful in your pursuit of understanding the obscurity that is Say Cheese! :) …

**Egyptian Lobster Guy:** Love that name… Just LOVE it… No flames? Goody! I'm so glad you liked it!

_Kenshin:_ You like me, you really like me!

_Jovian Angel:_ No he doesn't, he just likes the story!

_Kenshin:_ Well, I'm sure he only likes it 'cause I'm in it, de gozaru…

_Jovian Angel:_ Yeah, probably…

_Kenshin:_ -grin-

_Saitou:_ Where's the love?

**Ummm… me?:** Glad it gave you a laugh. There isn't much else I can say to that… Thanks!

**Wolfwood the Evergreen:** Funny and insane… THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! That's -sniff- the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me…

**Minty Fresh Socks:** Um, glad you like it… I think… -searches MSN for: the use of profanity as an exclamation of happiness-… Thank you! I think that meant that you liked it… :) Eh… he he he…

Yay! That's it! PLEASE REVIEW AND VOTE! You know you want to! :)

* * *

**Next Chapter for those who won't be reading it (?): On Saturday Morning Fanaticism and the Sort of End of the World**

Please look forward to it, even though it sounds weird. ;D


	9. The Sort of Kind of Long Awaited Chapter

**Notes: **Oops, a long wait again… Gomen GOMEN GOMEN! I didn't mean to, I really didn't! -sobs- They just… I just… You… We… WAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I feel so bad! -sniffles- Anyways, here's the next chapter for you all! It's a long one! YAYS! ) I'm pretty sure it's one of my best so far… Hope you all think so…

Speaking of what you all think, the results for the vote are as follows:

_Aoshi:_ 7  
_Soujiro:_ 4  
_Shishio:_ 3  
_Enishi:_ 1

And, just for you, I've compiled an omake describing our characters' reactions to the results:

_Aoshi-chan:_ …  
_  
Sou-chan:_ ! Thank God it isn't me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! .  
_  
Aoshi-chan:_ … Are you implying something?  
_  
Sou-chan:_ Gee, I dunno… -innocent grin-  
_  
Aoshi-chan:_ …  
_  
Shishio-chan_ (and, just for a minute, think about how silly that sounds): MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -smile- HAHAHAHA! -frown- What do you _mean_ I didn't win?! -summons flame- Grrr… GRRR! -announcer voice- I will now attempt to take over the world.  
_  
World-chan:_ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!  
_  
Enishi-chan:_ Oh, no, you don't! That's my job! Thankfully, not being submitted to incredible torture freed me up some time!  
_  
World-chan:_ -sweatdrop-  
_  
Oro-chan:_ Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Incredible torture… -un-Kenshin-like growl-  
_  
Enishi-chan:_ -whistles- Oh, nothing, nothing… Wait! What am I saying?! This is the perfect time to plot out my plan for world domination using… pieces of string and… pink erasers! -evil, _evil_ laugh- Bua ha ha ha… BUA HA HA HA…. BUAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAA-HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!  
_  
Oro-chan:_ Er… Why do I suddenly feel blessed, de gozaru ka?

o.O

Those are the results as of this moment! (Note: If you gave me two votes, I counted them both… I'm just like that.) If you don't like the results or want to change your vote, you have until the end if the story to do so! :)

Other Notes: Some people have told me my chapters are too short… To borrow certain words from a well-known playwright: Brevity wa soul of wit, de gozaru!… Or something like that… So, NYAH!

**Warnings:** LOTS of randomness, and LOTS and MUCH randomness… and some brevity, too… Also, read this chapter VERY carefully, otherwise you might miss some of the little between-the-lines jokes that I threw in… Also also… I mentioned this in the last chapter… BEWARE THE APPEARANCE OF THE RANDOM HIPPO!

**Disclaimer:** There is no spoon.

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Forbiddingly, Carry a Big… Fat… Cow'

THERE WAS THIS THING CALLED THE WORLD…  
AND IT WAS GOOD…  
AND ALL WAS HAPPY UPON THIS WORLD…  
AND THERE WAS THIS BIG, FAT COW WHO WAS IRRELEVANT…  
AND IT WAS NOT SO GOOD…  
FOR THE COW STUNK TO HIGH HEAVENS...  
AND SO IT WAS DEEMED BAD…  
BUT THE COW WAS POINTLESS…  
AND THE STORY WAS POINTLESS…  
AND SO IT ALL WENT TOGETHER…  
EXCEPT THAT THE COW REALLY WAS POINTLESS AND REALLY NONEXISTENT…  
AND SO THAT WAS IT...  
AND SAITOU FROWNED.

* * *

**Chapter 9:**  
On Saturday Morning Fanaticism and the Sort of End of the World

Saitou frowned.

He felt it. Strongly.

Very strongly.

In fact, he felt it _so very strongly_ that he was almost drawn to turn back from their route and run back to Tokyo that very moment.

He felt it that strongly. That _feeling_… The one we always try to evade… The one that everyone fears.

Yes, our dear Saitou was in the midst of experiencing a _Feeling of Impending Doom._ Gasp.

And it made him nervous. (Oh, all right, he was scared, but who'd ever think he'd admit it to a soul?)

But, alas, he was oh-so-deceptive in that last remark that he began to contradict it right then and there. "Oi, Battousai…" he said in his usual way, for Kenshin was the only one in the general vicinity anyway… Had it been any other way, Saitou likely would have spoken the words to someone else, _any_one else… "I've got that _feeling_…"

Kenshin blinked, disrupted from the thoughts he had been pretending to have. "What feeling?"

"That feeling."

"Which feeling?!"

"That one."

"Which one?"

"That one."

"Ohh… That feeling…"

"Nope. The other one…"

"Which other one?"

"That one."

"That one?"

"Yes."

"Sessha sees…" he said darkly. After a long, dramatic pause for emphasis and pondering, he asked, "Which feeling was that again?"

Saitou pulled his bangs in annoyance. "That one… You know… The one where…"

"Oh, y--" Kenshin began, but he was suddenly interrupted as he walked into a hippo. He blinked at it confusedly.

"Hello!" the hippo said happily. "And how are you today?"

"Ah… Fine, de gozaru…"

"Oh, that's wonderful, _WONDERFUL_! That's just wonderful!" And with that, the hippo about-faced and flounced off into the wilderness. (Well, as well as a hippo can flounce anyway…)

"That was…" Saitou began. He then shrugged. It wasn't as if it was really going to determine the way he lived his life, anyway… (Or maybe it will…Bua ha ha…)

Kenshin blinked some more, but not for any apparent reason. "Oro? What were we talking about again?"

Saitou pondered the question a moment before answering. "I… Oh, yes. The _feeling_…"

"Oh, right… That feeling…"

"Yes, that feeling…"

And, all of a sudden, Kenshin felt the feeling too… Something was about to happen… Something big… Something important… And something terribly random…

* * *

Meanwhile, in Hell, Shishio pranced about gleefully. "I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!" he sang happily. "I've got it!"

"Got what?" Soujiro asked with a smile. "Got what, Shishio-sama?"

Shishio suddenly looked glum. "I don't actually know… It was just fun to pretend that I actually had a good idea…" He suddenly erupted into sobs. "I'm so stupid. I can't do anything! _Whywhywhy?_ Why can't I ever come up with a good idea? Maybe I… Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be an evil villain… Villainous Principle says I must laugh evilly at any given moment and always have a plan to get over an incredible obstacle… But I CAN'T and I DON'T!"

Soujiro grinned sympathetically (wtf.) at him. "Ara? It doesn't really matter, now, does it?"

Shishio sniffled. "No… But… I still want to kill them all…"

"So, go! Run! Fly free! Leave right now and kill them! Kill them ALL and take over Japan!"

And Shishio suddenly smiled. "Yes… That's what I'll do… I really think that's what I'll do…" And he laughed evilly. "-…"

Um, or not…

* * *

Saitou frowned some more.

It was coming at a rate faster than he could have imagined. He could feel the feeling increasing and Doom coming closer and _closer_ and _**closer**_ and--

_**Bam!**_

Oh.

It was there already?!

Saitou frowned in apprehension and spoke a few words. "You're early…"

Doom shrugged his shoulders. "Feh," he said without much concern. "My meeting ended early."

"Oh."

"… Yeah…" Doom spoke uneasily, as if he were holding the…

(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.

And, suddenly, out of nowhere, the…

(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself appeared. "Ploof!" it ploofed as it fell from the sky.

Now Doom looked on evilly, Saitou looked on frowningly, and Kenshin looked on confusedly. All in all, they looked on much as they would have had the situation been any different. So, really, that comment was pointless… So, really, I guess I'd better be getting along with the story again… Yeah… Okay…

…

And so Doom, Saitou and Kenshin looked on in their typical ways. Of course, it could be inferred that nothing atypical was about to happen. Right?… _Riiiiiight…?_

All of a sudden, the sky fell with a thwmp. Everything was immersed in darkness and Doom began to sing gleefully. "It's the end of the world as we know it! It's… the… end of the world as we know it! (1) …" He continued to sing incessantly.

And meanwhile, Kenshin and Saitou sat, listening to Doom sing. In fact, it was beginning to get quite annoying.

And Saitou frowned.

And Doom smirked.

And Kenshin looked on in confusion some more.

But, suddenly, Doom spoke again. "It's the end of the world as we know it," he said, as if it could not have been inferred by his lovely serenade."Therefore, I must leave and go to destroy someone else's life…" He looked at his schedule. "Ah… Next is my little trip to Death's door…" Realizing the idiom he had said unknowingly, he laughed. "Hahahahahahahahahaha! That was funny! I made a joke!"

Doom suddenly was surrounded in flame as he began laughing more and more evilly. "Mua ha ha ha… MUA HA HA HA! I… AM… IMMORTAL!! MUA HA HA HAAAAAAAA HAAAA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA HAAA-HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

And he disappeared in a flurry of daisy and tulip petals.

After a long and overly dramatic pause, Kenshin said, "Anou…"

And Saitou frowned some more.

And sighed.

The feeling hadn't dispersed. It was growing stronger and stronger by the minute…

And he sighed again and frowned.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

(1) Not mine.

* * *

Shishio grinned. "I've _got_ it… _I've_ got it… I've _got it_… _I've_ got_ it_… _I've got it!_"

Soujiro smiled in a not… exactly… sort of… kinda… partly… um…

And Shishio smiled again. "Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee…" he laughed. And smiled. And laughed. And smiled. And--Alright…

And Yumi suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Shishio-sama," she proclaimed with added emphasis. "SHISHIO-SAMA, ROCK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"

And Shishio grinned some more. "Don't worry, Yumi… Oh, yes… I will…" And he glared with a Bad Guy Glare into the nearest shiny surface.

Yumi frowned. "It needs work…"

Shishio twisted his face around into agonizingly uncomfortable positions. "Now?"

"No…"

"Now?"

"No…"

"How's this one?"

She merely stared.

"… Now?"

Yumi gasped. "That's it… That's the one…"

And with that, the camera zoomed out slowly, leaving a startlingly disturbing picture of Shishio, his tongue stuck out and eyes widened. Oh, yes, that was the perfect evil glare…

Sort of…

* * *

"Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin suddenly cried out as a thought suddenly struck him. "Ii-ta-_ta-ta_…" he muttered as he gingerly rubbed the spot where the Thought had struck.

Saitou looked on frowningly. "Got what?"

"Got milk!"

"Got milk?" Saitou questioned, and, upon speaking the fated words, was suddenly squashed by a mountain of chocolate chip cookies. "#$," he said angrily. "!$#($(!!!" He hurriedly unburied himself.

Kenshin laughed maniacally for a few moments. "Sessha just knew that would happen, de gozaru!"

Saitou frowned.

And so, being as Saitou was showing no signs of conversation, Kenshin continued on with his aforementioned statement. "Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!"

And Saitou hesitated for a moment. Sensing no impending danger, he spoke cautiously nonetheless. "… Got what?"

"The answer!"

"The answer to what?"

Without answering, Kenshin disappeared under the blanket of sky. After a few long moments, he returned, carrying the…

(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.

Saitou raised an eyebrow curiously. "Let me guess… Now, we have to go looking for the….

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself?" He snorted.

Kenshin blinked. "Sessha never thought of that, de gozaru…"

And, nearby, a Director gave a thumbs-up.

And suddenly, as if on cue, the...

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself popped up out of nowhere.

Saitou blinked curiously. "You know…" he started lamely. "I didn't really expect that to happen… Yare, yare…" He quickly snatched up the…

(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself, and unlocked the…

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.

Note to Self: Lay back on the dramatic mentionings next time… It's getting tedious…  
Note to Self: Add the word "mentionings" to my Laptop's dictionary, even though you'll trick yourself someday into thinking it really is a word.  
Note to Self: Next time, exclude the "Note to Self"s… What makes you think people are even interested in what you say to yourself?!

…

o.O

Anyhoo…

The… -sigh-

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself opened with a screech.

"Well…" Saitou said. With an un-Saitou-ish reaction, he leapt up and shouted. "Onwards! To the New World! To the New Life! To wherever the Door takes us! To--"

"Saitou-san…" Kenshin intervened. "Sessha thinks we get it by now, de gozaru na…"

And Saitou frowned and said, "Saa, this is a perfect time for a scene change, don't you think? Right at the moment before All is Revealed and the World is Saved?"

It was indeed.

* * *

Shishio grinned mischievously. "I'VE GOT-GOT-GOT-GOT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"

Soujiro smiled fake-esque-ly… (And vaguely lost a few brain cells upon hearing the description of this smile…) "Just what have you got now, Shishio-sama?"

The mummy-imitation laughed evilly for the umpteenth time. "The Plan…" he said, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "The Plan… My Plan… The Ultimate Plan… The High and Mighty Plan… The--"

Yumi planted a kiss on him gently. "Hai, hai…" She spoke a few overly clicheed words. "Win, Shishio-sama," before suddenly yanking herself away and crying out, "Eii! Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot!!!"

Shishio looked on in befuddlement. "Eh?" he asked in befuddlement. He turned away slowly and made his way up towards the Real World, as it be. "Bua ha ha…" he laughed, before he disappeared into the flames…

* * *

Saitou almost smiled.

Almost.

The World had been saved. _Again_. Thankfully, beyond the…

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself, had been, shocker, Existence Itself! The sky was rightfully in its place, and birds chirped, and the wind blew slightly, and the sun shone, and the sakura blossoms flowered, and…

Oh, scratch that.

It was your average day on the way to Kyoto. The sun shone, but it was blocked off by a familiar cloud of smoke…

A very familiar cloud of smoke indeed…

Saitou puffed.

And puffed.

And, heck, he just maybe even puffed some more!

And he was happy… (Well, he was as happy as he'd allow himself to look in public anyway… )

And all was right with the World.

But suddenly…

Shishio appeared out of a whole in the ground. He laughed mischievously and evilly and crazily, all in one! "I. Will. Kill. You," he spoke monotonously. He charged forward with extensive speed…

And suddenly fell into a dark pit of nothing.

And, hurriedly, Kenshin locked the…

(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.

-coughcough-

And, so, the World was saved from fallen skies, and from crazed assassins hell-bent on dominating Japan…

And it was saved from vicious government sanctums and raging fighters and intense bloodlust and hellish demons.

And it was saved from heartless tyranny and blunt rebellion and horrific bloodshed and harsh nostalgia.

And Kenshin smiled.

It had been a good day.

**Owari, Chapter 9**

* * *

Okee, peeps! Dat's it! … For now… evil laugh Sorry for the wait… again. I try, I really do…

Anyways, in commemoration of my achievement of 100 reviews (!!!!!!) I've decided to post an extra-specialty special omake… And, yes, I know that all of my omake to this point have really sucked… This one will be better, I hope.

But, the theme/ summary/ idea for this omake is a secret… Bua ha ha… You'll find out soon enough, though…

Anou… That's it! My omake will be posted at the next update, either before or with the next chapter! (Actually, I'm kinda hoping this might be able to replace Chapter 10, so I can make that chapter really GOOD! You know…)

…

Well? How was it? Good? Bad? In between? You decide! The polls are still open and the world is right… Shishio is gone forever and Saitou… still… hasn't… smiled--But, oh well! All is good, all is happy, and the appearance of the random hippo has given the story depth the likes of which could not have been achieved any other way.

-sigh- I am so happy…

Anyhoo… This chapter is 11 Pages! 11 PAGES! WAIWAIWAI! I know you all love me now… I hope I made up for my shorter chapters…

-reads note at beginning of chapter- Um… You can cancel out the warnings for brevity… The only thing, though, is that I hope it wasn't TOO BORING! It was funny… I think… I loved it… It was incredibly AWESOME to write… I've never had so much fun writing a chapter…

_Saitou:_ You mean you've never had so much fun torturing me, ne?

Oh, yeah. That, too.

Japanese - English Dictionary:

De gozaru (ka/na/yo): I have a feeling you already know this by now… You've seen it, what? 8 times in previous chapters' dictionaries already?  
Gomen: Sorry or "Excuse me…"  
Hai: Yes  
Ne: Right?  
Oro: See Chapter 9  
Saa: Well…  
Sessha: "I", archaic  
Wai: YAY!

Okay, Reviewer Thank-Yous (Gomen, these are in the order that they appeared, after I copied and pasted them randomly into Word, so I could print them off without including dumb ads and such… )

Note: These are the reviews for Chapter 8 and the reviews for anything else that was reviewed… -reads over- Gods, I'm getting tired… That made no sense…

**Ethelflaed:** Anyhoo anyhoo anyhoo! Just kidding… Actually, my friends say that, too… I guess they just rubbed off on me… sigh Scary thought… Thanks a lot for the review. (To be honest, I did think that Sarcastic Wolf was Saitou… It just sounds so much like him! Gomen for the error! Thank you for enlightening me!)

**Ruby Kitsune:** Bizarre, twisted and wrong… Thanks a lot, I think…

**GuseBat:** Do you even read all the notes I put after chapters? Mimics: What am I voting for?! WHAT AM I VOTING FOR?! Grrr… grrr… Oh, well… Thankies for the review!

**Kitty Katana:** Oh, you ran out of rants! Poor KK! -sniffles- Oh, well… Even so, your reviews always amuse me to no end…

_Kenshin:_ snort

I am so serious! I feel so loved! -kisses review-

**Kra-ZzeldaGurl:** You want to… To p-post my story on your website? M-my story? On your website? Oh, my God, I'm crying! Of course! Of course! -sobs- That's the first time anyone's ever asked me that! Thank you! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

**Chibi-Tenken (and Misaki):** 3 reviews in, like, one day! -giggles shoujo-ly- Thanks a lot! Also, what's harusame? -blinks- I feel so stupid…

**Dadsnavygirl831:** Updating… Lessee… Where does that fall on my list of priorities?

_Kenshin:_ First. xDDDD;

I try, I really do (And, yes, I know I've already used that line…) … It's just that I'm SO busy with school and kendo and music and life and blah blah…

_Kenshin:_ That's a sorry excuse, de gozaru…

Hey, it works! I got offered CANDY! Bua ha ha! Fear my ability to make people want to give me stuff! -gringrin- I have one word for you: CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE! Except chocolate-flavored gum… Talk about ew…

**Icebluedragon-SAMASAMASAMA:** Grrr… You know I know you know I know you know I know you know… Oh, never mind… I love your reviews, and I am calmly awaiting an update…

_Kenshin:_ ie, She's pulling her hair out, de gozaru na…

Am not! -stares at tangled mass of hair in her hand- Well… You know… Thanks SO much!

**Demonesszen:** Psycho… PSYCHO! I know what you mean… Psycho things ROCK! Praise them ALL! Bua ha ha ha ha ha ha! … Um… o.O Thanks a lot…

**Neko-Kitsune-Gumi:** -rereads Chapter 8- I can't believe I did that! I'll have to include it in future bloopers… -grin- So sue me, I have absolutely no intelligence when it comes to these things… BTW, that line means, "Please look forward to it…" Kaoru uses it at the end of every episode, when she's introducing what will happen in the next episode… Thanks for reviewing!

**Yukishiro-sama:** You have no clue how much I appreciate you always reviewing me… I feel so lost without all of my Every-Chapter reviewers, my Go Team! -giggles- I just love that… :) Thanks so much!

**Sakiya:** Long e-mail-writers UNITE! Bua ha ha! We will take over the world! Okay, so maybe not… But, OH WELL! Shishio has scary thoughts… Uck, that's disturbing! -shivershiver- Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Sessy da Fluffy One:** Will he ever smile? I don't know! I guess you'll have to just keep reading to find out! -hinthint- Thanks so MUCH! I'm so glad you like!

**SakuraLuna:** Too funny for words! -sobs- Thanks! THANKS SO SO SO MUUUUCH! I love you! But, not that way… Possess Kaoru's body… Now there's an idea… o.O

Ja, that's it! Boy, it seems like I had a lot of reviewers to respond to… 14 reviews since my last update! 14! That's, like, almost 20! And 20 is, like, almost 40! Okay, so maybe not… But, oh well! I love it all, love it all, anyways! -sniffles- THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH AGAIN!

Also, I think I may have forgotten a reviewer or two… If I did, PLEASE TELL ME and I'll provide you with a few extra cookies and chunks of chocolate goodness… I'm SO sorry if I did forget you, though…

* * *

**Next Chapter: On HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Okay, no, not really… I just haven't thought of a name yet… Hopefully, you'll figure it out the next time I update… )**

Please look forward to it...


	10. A Milestone, to Some Effect

**Notes:** Hello, Min'na-Tachi! … -weak grin- Remember me? I'm the one who wrote and never quite got around to completing that one story called "Say Cheese! :)"?

… Well, I'm _BAAAAAAAAAAAA-ack_!!

Wow, CHAPTER 10! It's a milestone!

Well, I'm happy to say that I really do have reasons for my long absences… Sort of. The first is that I really have to agree with Gochan – Great author. Read her story! There are possibly two main ways to derail your comedic train of thought when writing a fanfic: One is to get hooked on another anime. Thankfully, I AM NOT GUILTY! WHOOT! The second, though, is to watch Seisou Hen, cough, which is BAR NONE the MOST DEPRESSING anime video I have EVER SEEN in my ENTIRE LIFE! I was diagnosed with Chronic Seisou Hen Depression Syndrome, and so was quite unable to write something funny. (Even ask Icebluedragon! She's the one who was forced to read my rather depressing and long e-mails…) My God, I have never written so many one-shots containing death in my whole life. This doesn't even compare to my slight depression after watching that new Japanese movie about the fish tank. (Who's seen that? If you haven't, don't. It makes you suicidal.)

So, this is my late Christmas present to you all. Hopefully, I'm going to get it done tonight! It's January First (HAPPY NEW YEAR!) and so I've decided it's a good day to write! Start off the year with a clean slate! … I hope! Please excuse the horrifically long wait. I hope you understand.

I'm sorry about how long these notes are going to be, too. I have a lot to say, and it's ALL IMPORTANT, so please read it, PLEASE!

As you know, this was initially going to be an omake chapter, something stupid that would hopefully be better than all of my previous omake, which, sorry to say, have stunk. Unfortunately, however, I can't think of anything to make an omake about. I was thinking a party, and then I was thinking of some kind of studio thing, but it just didn't ring!

So… **I NEED YOUR HELP**! If you send me something, I'll seriously post it as part of my story! Send me a silly one-shot, a character vignette, WHATEVER! Or, send me an idea for an omake! You all know my e-mail address! Come ON, people, I just need something creative to write about. My chapters are so easy to write, because they're so… incredibly… not plot-driven. I can just rant on and on… But in this case, I have to stick to some kind of one-shotted plot, so that I can continue on with the story after it's over… So, send me ANYTHING! Heck, send me something that has nothing to do with Kenshin at all! ANYTHING, PEOPLES!!!

-deep breath- Okay, so, speaking of the story… It's nearly over. sigh I'm a little sad, but you all know what this means! SEQUEL TIME! I've got big plans, man! -grins evilly-

Now, you all know that Aoshi-chan won. You still have maybe this chapter, the omake and ONE MORE CHAPTER ONLY to change your votes! It's up to you, people! Yes, the story will _ONLY HAVE TWO MORE CHAPTERS_! To be honest, I never wanted it to be longer than about five chapters… I guess I just continued because people seemed to like it! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

Do you know what, though? -ping!- Sudden realization! I have no clue how I'm going to end this story! I guess… I never really expected to finish it! … Can't you see how painstaking it was to even get this far?!

-sniffle- I think I've ranted on enough now. I should put this excess chocolate energy to good use. -looks up- Gosh, I just wrote a WHOLE BUNCH of really long paragraphs, didn't I?

Aight, then… LET'S MOVE ON!!

**Warnings:**

**Disclaimer:** I own Kenshin.

I am hereby dedicating this chapter to several different things.

_- Icebluedragon:_ THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! You actually helped me! I think the e-mails that I sent kinda got me all hyped up. And you keep sticking to me! I don't know why! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

_- Incoherence:_ The word and the reviewer. I don't know why, but the inspirational word for this chapter was, in fact, Incoherence. -bows- Thank you, Dictionary! -bows- Thank you, Incoherence! Though, I didn't actually use a dictionary… I thought it would just sound cool to thank the dictionary for being inspiring. (As ridiculous as that sounds)

_- Dreammaster2411_ and her intensely creative and random ideas. Whee! I was given a GOAT! -evil glare- BEWARE THE APPEARANCE OF THE RANDOM GOAT! This chapter is dedicated to all of you goats out there who never EVER get any credit for ANYTHING! POWER TO THE GOATS! !

That's it! I'm sorry this took so long! -gaspeth- TWO PAGES OF NOTES!? GAAH!! (Makes you wonder how long this chapter is going to be, ne? At this rate, I won't be done until the third, even if I type _sans arret_!

Hoo boy, that's ENOUGH! PUSHETH FORTH!

* * *

**Say Cheese! :)  
**'Speak Rarely, Carry a Large and Random Slab of that Pink Insulating Stuff '

THERE WAS… SOMETHING…  
AND IT WAS… SOMETHING… I SUPPOSE…  
AND THEN, THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE…  
AND IT WAS ALSO… SOMETHING… I SUPPOSE…  
AND KAMI SAT ON HIS HIGH HORSE AND WAS CONFUSED…  
BUT IT WAS OKAY!  
BECAUSE KAMI REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO BE CONFUSED AT ALL!  
AND WHY?  
THE "SOMETHING"S WERE IRRELEVANT…  
AND THE STORY WAS ALSO IRRELEVANT, MUCH LIKE IT HAD BEEN THE CHAPTER BEFORE!  
AND SO, THERE WAS REALLY NO CHANGE…  
WHICH WAS ALL TOO BAD…  
BUT KAMI WAS HAPPY…  
AND KENSHIN WAS HAPPY…  
AND SAITOU WASN'T HAPPY…  
BUT IT WAS ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL JUST MAKE-BELIEVE ANYWAY.

* * *

**Chapter 10:**  
On the Relevancy of Context and On the Nature of What is Plot

Saitou frowned.

And frowned again.

And frowned again.

And frowned again.

Something _wasn't right._

Saitou could _feel _it in his bones. He could _feel _it, _feel_ it with that _tingling sensation_ that worked its way through his spine whenever EVIL was present, and whenever something _wasn't right._

Yes, something most definitely _wasn't right_.

But, alas, he had no clue what it was.

And so, he walked and pondered and smoked in a very Saitou-ish way, as he was in fact Saitou, and so, really, it was not quite so unpredictable that he was acting in his usual way.

And he thought, and he thought about what the problem could possibly be!

Evil person out to destroy Japan?

No.

Evil person out to take over Japan?

No.

Evil henchman out to fulfill random prophecies?

No.

Evil goat out to wreak havoc?

… No.

Saitou glanced to his side at the perpetrating goat, who merely blinked at him in response and chewed on something thoughtfully.

No, the goat certainly wasn't evil.

And Saitou frowned in this realization.

And he continued trekking forth on his nonexistent pursuit, trying to deter his thoughts from those that spoke to him of blood, of gore, of guts, spilling and gushing and spewing and choking and…_ smiling_?

And Saitou suddenly gasped. THAT WAS IT!

And he looked to his other side and frowned. And he frowned deeply, his brow crinkling up unappealingly and his eyes narrowing to next-to-nothing.

Oh, yes.

Something was up, indeed.

Kenshin smil--er… He sort-of-smiled.

He was slowly coming to the cognition that the Train Called Saitou was not quite so easy to derail as he had initially thought.

For one, the man was as stiff as a board. Not any sort of joke, pun or otherwise, had been able to smudge away the rather disconcerting, ever-present frown. He was, in fact, so impermeable that he could drop dead any second and Kenshin likely wouldn't notice until quite some time later.

He didn't move, unless he was walking. He didn't speak unless spoken to, and even then it was a rare occurrence. He simply _didn't do anything!_

And Kenshin was nearly at the end of his rope on this one.

And he looked up -- _way up --_ at his prey/ victim/ subject/ guinea pig and glared in a very un-Kenshin-like way!

But, alas, Saitou either didn't notice, or didn't care, as he continued en route without so much as a blink or even a breath…

And Kenshin got a teensy bit irked at this.

And Saitou inwardly smiled.

And they continued on their silent way for a horribly long time, Saitou expecting a warlord behind every bush, and Kenshin simply marveling at his own misfortune.

And soon, the authoress decided she had started too many sentences with "and," and provided another major(ly predictable) plot twist.

* * *

Soujiro smiled. Somewhat.

He was happy. Somewhat.

He was also hungry, he thought decidedly as he wandered aimlessly through… wherever it was he was wandering aimlessly.

And soon, as it may have been foretold, he came across none other than our two main characters, who strove to not include the other in any sort of thing.

… Which, of course, was now impossible.

Soujiro smiled at the two of them, and was minutely surprised as he was met with only one smile in return.

And, no, it wasn't Saitou.

And Kenshin was quick to decide that not only was Saitou silent, brooding and pertinacious, but also rude, which was unbecoming.

And Soujiro simply stared at them both a tad confusedly.

… Which, of course, made him think that there was "something strange" was going on.

And so, Soujiro stood in his confused state, and Kenshin stood in his slightly irked state, and Saitou stood in his "blah" state, respectively.

And all in all, nothing interesting happened.

After quite a few years and decades and millennia of standing there, the threesome grew rather bored, and so Soujiro decided to speak. (GASP!)

He thought for a moment before venturing his, um… query. "Er, Himura-san…" He grinned. "I was pondering the lack of any sort of real final battle between us and, you know…"

Kenshin blinked.

Saitou blinked and said monotonously, "You know, he's got a point."

And Kenshin blinked again.

And Soujiro smiled.

And Kenshin blinked.

And the goat suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said, "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" but only because the authoress thought it was a very appropriate sound for a goat to make.

And suddenly…

A man tore out of the bushes, which hadn't been there 20 seconds ago. He screamed and yelled and shouted loudly, running about in an obvious state of paranoia. "THE ESCALATORS ARE UPON US! THE ESCALATORS ARE UPON US!"

He repeated this phrase quite a few times, twisting and turning about in agony, before he was, all of a sudden, attacked by a band of killer termites.

But then he ran away.

And so… that was simply another useless plot filler.

"Anou…" Kenshin said. "That was random, de gozaru…"

And Soujiro smiled sheepishly, and Saitou stood in his usual way.

And, generally, one couldn't tell in the least that something interesting had just happened.

And Saitou frowned, for lack of something better to do.

Soujiro was somewhat dumbfounded. After all, this was the first experience he'd had with this story, really, where he hadn't had some kind of evil backup.

He was quick to decide that these incidents were strange, indeed.

But he smiled nonetheless, hiding his confusion and pain and sorrow and anger, as he often did.

And no one expected anything out-of-the-ordinary to happen.

And, of course, as they had expected, nothing out-of-the-ordinary happened.

… Or did it??

* * *

Shishio was angered.

He was maddened.

He was irked.

And, generally, he didn't like it.

Shishio frowned. There was something about being in a hole that he didn't really like.

It was dark.

It was dank.

It was dangerous.

And Shishio decided that he really hadn't been a very good evil villain in the first place, being as most evil villains, as far as he knew, thrived in the darkest, dankest, dangerous-est places.

And he sobbed incessantly into the nearest available surface, and he sobbed and he sobbed some more, and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

Yes, he was MAD!!

But he was also sad.

And he decided that he was SAD AND MAD!!

AND SO HE THOUGHT IN CAPITAL LETTERS ANGRILY, PONDERING CRUEL MEANS OF TORTURE AND INCREDIBLY DOOM-FILLED PHENOMENA!!

But then he was scared, and he thought about fuzzy bunnies, and puppies in flowery fields, instead.

And he smiled.

And he was suddenly not so sad about being in the hole, and he sprang up from the ground ( like a daisy!) and painted the walls pink.

Yes, this might not be so bad at all!!

* * *

Saitou frowned.

He was bored.

He was very bored.

In fact, he was so very bored that he felt he was about to die from sheer bored-ness.

And so, he did.

"BUAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he said as he died.

But then he got up again, having realized that boredom really didn't give him suicidal urges.

And he frowned.

And frowned again.

And looked to the side, where a ferocious and potentially life-threatening FINAL BATTLE was taking place.

…

Really.

The fight was intense.

The pressure was high.

The fan anticipation was through the roof!

Kenshin and Soujiro stared each other down, both wearing a "fearsome battle look" and a… smile?

But then Soujiro spoke, and the irrelevancy of the previous paragraph was forgotten. Hopefully.

"Before we start," he began, "I have something important to say."

And Kenshin waited patiently for him to finish.

…

Silence.

And more silence.

Crickets chirped.

"Anou… Soujiro-kun?" he asked tentatively.

"Nani?"

He blinked. "Did you have something to say, de gozaru ka?"

Soujiro blushed. "Sou… Hai, hai!" He waited an excruciatingly long moment before suddenly yelling out, "Jack likes chicken!"

"Oro?"

"Jack likes chicken."

Kenshin stared in mixed befuddlement and anxiety. "Um… Oh."

"Yes. _Jack_ likes chicken, Jack_ likes_ chicken, Jack likes _chicken,_ _Jack likes chicken_!!!!"

And Kenshin blinked for the umpteenth time in this chapter.

Soujiro took a deep breath, as if he were about to speak of something terribly important or random. He sighed.

And sighed again.

And spoke, finally. "Okay, FIIIINE! You win, already!"

"O-oro??"

"I said, YOU WIN!"

"An--"

"Shhh! What I say goes! And I say, YOU WIN!" He smiled. "And I'm LEAVING!"

And then he was gone.

Kenshin stood there in bewilderment.

Saitou frowned.

Aoshi suddenly appeared out of FrenchHornSpace and… honked.

The goat did what goats do.

And, all in all, it was with quiet determination that this story continued.

Saitou frowned. He was confused.

And they all stood there rather pointlessly, until Kenshin decided to speak again. "Er… Why are we all just standing here, de gozaru ka?"

Aoshi looked at the giant sundial at his side and gasped. "Oh, no!" he gasped.

Saitou, in turn, looked at the sundial as well. And gasped. "Oh, no!" he gasped.

And Kenshin looked at the sundial, but then turned and looked at the other two men confusedly. Sighing, he simply said to some unknown force, "Authoress-dono, this chapter really lacks randomness, de gozaru…"

And suddenly, the authoress herself appeared out of nowhere. "Fiiiiiiiiiine," she spoke with abandon. "Saitou-sama, you're going to speak in Shakespearean from now on! Kenshin-sama, take this spoon and dig a big hole with it! Aoshi-sama…" She paused momentarily and pulled a fish out of a nearby tree. "Cook this."

And she left in a rain of Bishounen Subjugating Collars (1).

And so, the world resumed its random state.

Kenshin, after a short amount of time, began digging with the tiny plastic spoon he had been provided with. Once he had reached China, he looked around precariously and said, "Ohh… So this is what China looks like, de gozaru!"

But then he left, being as it really wasn't all that interesting.

Aoshi cooked. He was a miserable cook, to say the very least.

And the fish BURNED!

And he cried.

And then he rushed over to Saitou and shook his shoulders roughly. "WHY, WHY, WHY, SAITOU? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME? WHYYYYYYYY!?!?!"

And then he rushed over to the goat and yelled, "WHY, GOAT-CHAN?! WHY MEEEEE?????"

And Goat-chan said, "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"

And Aoshi blinked at it and felt a little better. "Do you really think so?" He sniffled and sniveled in a very un-Aoshi-like sort of way.

And suddenly, Aoshi was happy, and he and the goat walked off into the sunset.

Saitou frowned.

And frowned again.

And frowned again.

And frowned again.

And with a frown, he said, "I hath spoken and the puerile humor shall justly be denied forthwith. Come, and thou shall understand the uncanny nadirs of that which is brevity and its brusque temperamental understating in that which is misunderstood in the eyes of men."

And Kenshin blinked.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, Random Hippie Person appeared, and said with a random and knowing yell, "AMEN TO THAT, MY BROTHA!!"

And Kenshin blinked. Again.

And Saitou _frooooooooooooooooowned._

**Owari, Chapter 10**

* * *

(1) I don't own Bishounen Subjugating Collars. Someone else invented them. However, I find them extremely useful!

Wow, people! This chapter is even longer than Chapter 9! -grin-

Well, I think I pretty much said everything I wanted to at the beginning of the chapter (Sorry, peeps) so I guess I'll just move on to…

The Dictionary that Absolutely Nobody Needs But Which I Feel is Necessary for the Sake of Randomness:

Anou: Literally, "Um…"  
Bishounen: Literally, "pretty boy." Loosely, it means, generally, any (i.e. all) anime men with any kind of appeal. (If you catch my drift…)  
-chan: Usually used to refer to someone younger than you, or to someone you're in a very friendly relationship with.  
De gozaru: Literally, "that it is," "that he is," etc.  
-dono: Extremely polite and archaic suffix, normally used only by Kenshin. This is even more respectful than –sama. This title is something like giving an English-speaking person the title, "Milord So-and-so."  
Hai: Yes  
Kami: God or Gods. Usually referred to as "Kami-sama."  
-kun: Usually used in reference to someone younger than you, OR in the case of relationships in, i.e. ranking. Higher-to-lower. Savvy?  
Minna: Everyone  
Nani: What?  
Oro:  
Owari: End or "The End"  
-sama: Very polite suffix  
-san: Something like our English "Mr." or "Mrs."  
Sou: Right…  
-tachi: Something like the suffix "-gumi" as in "Kenshin-gumi." Literally, "this group of people." In other words, Bob's friends/ group of people would simply be "Bob-tachi," though that sounds really ridiculous.

Right! That's it! You all know the drill! REVIEW ME OR I'LL BLUDGEON YOU TO DEATH WITH MY SAKABATOU!!!!!!

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Okay, people. Please, PLEASE send me ideas, short stories, random nothingness, character vignettes, WHATEVER! You know you want to! -grin-

Moving on to Reviewer Thank-Yous! (I love doing these! )

Note that these are in the order they arrived, from most recent to least.

**Guardianangeloflight:** I'm glad you think it was funny. -blinks- "Good writing style makes _us_ laugh more"??? There was more than one of you? Orooooooooo… I'm confuzzled.

**Keiko Sonoda:** Beautifully random… Thank you! I love randomness…

**Shihali:** Reminds you of Excel Saga? -blinks- Must go and find this "Excel Saga"! Sure, I've heard of it, but never seen it! Oh, darn. You shouldn't have mentioned that. Now I'm likely to go and get hooked on it… Thanks for reviewing!

**Me:** Me? -blinks- I know you! But waaaaaaaait… How do I know you're really you? What if you're actually one of my alter personas pretending to be you, but you're actually ME? Who is ME, anyway? How do I know it wasn't just me sending myself a review? AAGH! I'm confused now.

**Aharah Musici:** Someone recommended this to you? Wow… I didn't think people actually liked it enough to force it one someone ELSE! -grin- Thanks a ton! You're scared? THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!! That's the nicest thing you could possibly have said to me! Don't sequelize this? Thanks for that, too! Someone agrees!

**Kouhikouryuu:** I hope I spelled that right… Your first Kenshin fic, and you picked mine? -sob- I feel so WANTED! Don't worry! To me, reviewer #102 is just as special as reviewer #100!! ALL PRAISE 102! ALL PRAISE 102! Thank you so much for reading!

**Kitty Katana:** -gapes- That review was nearly as long as this chapter… I loved it! Though, you've developed in me an intense fear of dots stop That's why I'm writing this as a telegram stop Thanks for reviewing stop I love you stop Though not really stop Hope you liked the next installment stop

**Ethelflaed:** REVIEWER 100!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOEEEE!! Arigatou a million times over simply for THAT! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… Sorry Soujiro didn't win. I should write a bonus chapter at the end of this, just for him! Anyways… I know, Kenshin's really bad at acting random.

_Kenshin:_ Hey!

But you are! He had so much trouble acting his part in this story… -sigh-

_Kenshin:_ -blink-

You see? All he did this chapter was blink! Seriously!!

Ahem. You are not stupid. Saitou's motto is "Aku Soku Zan," which means "Slay Evil Instantly." You are not stupid. Never say that. You were just curious.

_Saitou:_ -snort-

Shut up.

Gosh, this was a long "thank you." But, thank you!

**Dreammaster2411**: I know you! You're the one who wrote that EXTREMELY FUNNY STORY "The Story of What Happens When Something Happens"!!!! Yeeeeeeeeeee!! You're my role model! I LOVE your story to death! I can't believe you reviewed my humble little story and I! You know, you've instilled in me a paranoia of goats. THEY'RE ALL GOING TO ATTACK ME! ! Seriously, now. Every time I stopped writing this chapter, the goat would glare and glare at me, until I finally got it done. Goats are scary. But they're also random! huggles THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

**GuseBat:** Wow, a poem! … Sort of. OOH! I got another present! -huggles plushies- YAY! You have a half-track mind? That's okay, so do I. … What was I saying? Thank you a million times!

**Icebluedragon-SAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!:** Wow, that review had a lot of (shift6shift6)x. -counts- Five of them! In one review! WAI! I feel "(shift6shift6)x"'d. I can't ask you to update 'cause your story's done! So… WRITE SOMETHING NEW! You know you want to! … Yes, I take Kendo. Did I already tell you that? I forget. Anyways, it's so much fun! Anyways, you know I know you know I know… goes on forever Wow, I just used "anyways" two sentences in a row! GAHHH!!! Er… Long "thank you"… ARIGATOU TEN MILLION TRILLION GAZILLION MORE TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sakiya:** The School for the Wannabe Villains?

_Shishio:_ I've already been there. It didn't help. They told you how to calculate the aerodynamics of roses and the probability of Good over Evil and… -rants-

Yes, Shishio can't be helped, though I'm glad you tried. He's gone off the deep end.

_Shishio:_ PINK!

-sigh- Thanks a lot for reviewing me!

**Inu-AngelZ:** Wow, I haven't heard from you in awhile! -sheepish grin- Actually, I've never even seen the Matrix. I just thought that "There is no spoon" was a funny thing to put in a Disclaimer… ORO! I'm glad you're laughing. Laughing is good. Laughing is our friend. Laughing is—

_Kenshin:_ Thank you very much for reviewing this story…

Laughing is nice. Laughing goes with—

_Kenshin:_ Arigatou. Nice hippo to you, too! (Shift6shift6 stupid QuickEdit )x

Laughing is friendly. Laughing makes people love you. Laughing is—

_Kenshin:_ Sayonara.

Anyways, that's it!

I'm poor. Every time you click the review button, $ is donated to "The Charity for Poor Authoresses." So, this winter, give a damn.

Don't drink and drive.

One last note to leave you with. I, myself, go to a very academic school, and this year we're studying The Odyssey, which, as you all know, includes a character called Odysseus.

Now… Let's say you have more than one Odysseus. That would be Odysseuses, right? Now, what if you have several Odysseuses owning something? What would you call it? Odysseuses'? Odysseuseses'? Odysseuses's???

Someone help me with this completely random Problem of the Week.

And, while you're at it, review me.

Ja ne, minna-sama!

* * *

**Next Chapter: On the Sort of Kind of End of the Story and On Saitou's Impertinence and On Kenshin's Rather Dogged Determination and On How Long Chapter Names Have a Tendency to Degrade the Initial Appeal of the Story in General**

Please look forward to it.


	11. The Chapter Pertaining to the End

**Notes:** -cough- … -shifty eyes- Okay, so it's been awhile since my last update. WHY IS THIS? HOW CAN IT BE? Oh, dear. I don't really know. I suffered writer's block again. Yes, again. No, this is not some excuse that I've spent the last however many months thinking up just so that I could say it all to you and have you go, "Oh, it's OKAY! We forgive you!" Or maybe it is.

Yeah. I suspect it is.

And, speaking of nothinggess, isn't this new QuickEdit bold-and-italic-accepting thing cool?! I **_love_** it!! Wow, I hadn't even noticed before now that the thing even existed! I took too long to update, guys, much too long... I'm so sorry!

AHEM! :) **IMPORTANT NOTE :) PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**  
I took off the omake. That is to say that it is no longer there. That is to say that it will never be there. That is to say that this chapter will now be stated as being completed in 12 chapters rather than 14. However, that is to say that if you reviewed the last 2 chapters whilst signed in,

**IT WILL NOT LET YOU REVIEW THIS CHAPTER UNLESS YOU SIGN YOUR REVIEW ANONYMOUSLY! **

Please forgive my impudence. I didn't actually realize it would do that until I'd actually taken the omake off. My bad. PLEASE FORGIVE SESSHA! So, yes. My omake stunk. Hopefully, the Bonus Chapter will prove worthier. And don't complain to me when you can't review signed in. --DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!--

Yep. As you all know (God-faring) THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER! THE GRAND FINALE! EL FINISSIM—Well… There's this chapter, and then the Bonus Chapter (which is more for my benefit than yours, but deal with it) and then IT IS DONE! COMPLETE! And then we shall have the sequel, God Forbid.

I call it "Say Cheese 2: The Sequel." Or, at least I would call it that, had my muse not beaten me over the head repetitively for ever thinking such a thing.

Hopefully, when the sequel comes out, you'll be able to tell that it IS the sequel, that is to say that it will have a summary pertaining to something along the lines of "MAKING AOSHI SMILE." Very complex, I know. I hope you can all deal with it.

I'm so sad… It seems so strange that the story is ACTUALLY OVER… I can't even believe it… It's like my LIFE'S WORK! I can't stand the fact that it'll permanently be over… I don't understand. Why is it so hard to realize that so many months of work have finally come to this?

BTW, I had a record amount of reviews since my last update, thanks to ooka-chan and Wytchchylde, who reviewed me… very many times. **ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU TO YOU BOTH!** I LOVE ALL OF YOU REVIEWERS TO DEATH! WELL, NOT QUITE DEATH… BUT… DAMN, I JUST LOVE YOU ALL! :) YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO FREAKING GOOD!

And yes, I've realized 19 reviews for a chapter isn't such a feat, but considering I only really wanted 30 reviews by this point, I think I'm doing reasonably well… -peace sign- YOU REVIEWERS ROCK THE PLANET!

Oh, one more thing; a special note to Kenshin Way Too Obsessed: Alas, you misunderstood. I feel flamed. -sobs- Okay, here's my extra-long excuse rant…

Well, you see… (If no one's interested in reading this, go ahead and scroll down)… Maybe no one else noticed this, but in the "Hiko-sama Training Episodes," Hiko DOESN'T ACTUALLY tell Kenshin WHAT the Final Attack is. Kenshin figures it out all on his own. My stupid reason for this (in this story) is that Hiko doesn't know the Final Attack HIMSELF! So, what does he do? He tells Kenshin to basically perform Battoujutsu… Yes, I've realized Battoujutsu is NOT Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki. It was supposed to be funny. (Did anyone else actually catch this? Guys, this is what I mean by READING BETWEEN THE LINES!) Why aren't you all laughing? LAUGH!! NOWW!! -twitches- Geez, maybe that humor was too deep to actually be humorous. Nonetheless… I didn't say there was ANYTHING wrong with too many "de gozaru"s! I only commented on the fact that that section had an ABUNDANCE of them! Alas, maybe I'm hypercritical, but people keep taking my humor all the wrong way! O.o What would you say if I told you RIGHT NOW that this entire story was an allusion to yaoi? You wouldn't believe me, right? So why are you still reading this rantage? WHY? GO AWAY!

…

… dot dot dot… Excuse the rantage. I HAD to comment on that review right now, and get it out of my system.

Oh, boy, these notes are getting long. I think I'll move on to the Warnings now. PLEASE, **ENJOY THE VERY LAST CHAPTER**! -huggles reviewers-

**Warnings:** Saitou smiling (Really? WHAT? You can't be serious.), Aoshi sneezing, a tree spontaneously combusting, Yumi talking, very much brevity and bluntness, Soujiro tripping (Gasp!), and – OH NO! – RK characters are being replaced?! THE HORROR! Oh, and allusions to yaoi. (Kidding.)

**Disclaimer:** -whispers- Waiter, there's a randomness in my soup… -dies-

Oh, yeah. SORRY FOR THE LONG NOTES! I PROMISE IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! -winks-

* * *

**Whey Peas! :)**  
'Speak Large Salt Lick, Carry a Much Randomly?'

THERE WAS THIS THING…  
AND IT WAS GOOD…  
AND ALL WERE HAPPY UPON THE ARRIVAL OF THIS THING…  
AND IT WAS GOOD…  
AND THIS THING…  
THEY CALLED IT A GRAND FINALE…  
AND IT WAS VERY GOOD…  
INDEED.  
AND SAITOU WAS FINALLY HAPPY… MAYBE…  
AND KENSHIN HAD ONLY TO FACE MORE EXTREME TORTURE…  
BUT SOMEHOW WAS HAPPY AS WELL…  
AND KAMI-SAMA SMILED UPON THEM BOTH IN HIS SMILING WAY…  
AND SAITOU WAS GLAD… MAYBE…  
AND KENSHIN WAS GLAD…  
AND SOUJIRO WAS GLAD…  
AND YUMI WAS GLAD…  
AND SO, ALL WERE GLAD…  
AND IT WAS GOOD…  
AND THAT WAS ENOUGH OF THAT.

* * *

**Chapter 11 (I think…):  
**-deep breath- On the Sort of Kind of End of the Story and On Saitou's Impertinence and On Kenshin's Rather Dogged Determination and On How Long Chapter Names Have a Tendency to Degrade the Initial Appeal of the Story in General  
-chokes- -dies… again-

Saitou frowned.

Yes, the tenacious, the petulant, the irksome Saitou frowned. This, of course, did not elude clearly to the fact that he might someday smile, but… DEAL WITH IT!

Saitou frowned.

This was just peachy.

In fact, it was VERY peachy.

And Saitou frowned about it.

And then he frowned about it some more.

It was peachy.

… And Saitou HATED peaches. He loathed them. In fact, he detested them so much that he thought he'd die if he heard the word "peachy" again.

Saitou died. For the second chapter in a row, actually, he died.

But then he was reincarnated in the form of a tree.

And Saitou the Tree frowned impeccably, in his frowning way, but then… SUDDENLY…

Saitou the Tree spontaneously combusted, died, and was reincarnated as Saitou. The Real Saitou; in a way, he was reincarnated as the Real McCoy.

If this was at all relevant, Saitou was under the impression that McCoy Hajime didn't have quite that ring to it that was necessary for his intimidation factor.

And so he let it slide.

But then he frowned again, in a very, very frowning way. And his face was twisted into a frown, a very, very ugly frown.

And his frown was STRONG… It BUUUUUURNED… It KILLEDEDED…

But then, when his frown killed, he didn't even apologize for it!

Yes…

Saitou was in a bad mood, indeed.

He frowned.

Perhaps it was just peachy, after all.

Peachy in a bad way.

Peachy in a peachy way.

Or, perhaps, simply peachy.

Peachy.

Very, very peachy.

* * *

Yumi was in a bored, bored way.

She sighed.

She sighed and she sighed.

She sighed and she sighed and she sighed.

But then, she made a resolve. A RESOLUTION!

SHE MADE A REVELATION! Well… no. But that was beyond the point.

And Yumi LEAPT UP in glee and excitement and adrenaline and RAN OFF to seek… Well… She ran off to seek whomever it was she was seeking.

And, well, seeing as it would be quite boring to follow Yumi around ceaselessly while she searched, WE THE HUMBLE would like to take this time to maintain this so-called adequately placed plot twist.

* * *

Soujiro tripped over a rock -- a very large rock; a very BAD rock.

"Itai!" he called out into the vastness of the open… prairie… mountain range… (Well, wherever the heck he was.)

Instantly, Some Doctor (not Megumi; not Gensai-sensei; someone else. I don't know who else, but someone else. Can't you just accept this?) was on the scene.

"Oh, my God!" Some Doctor cried out. "It looks like he's got a Disproportionately Discombobulated Parasitical Noncomformulated Satirically Disinclined Disconjecting Parallel Phyxiated Qetiampulated Seplantriam Disorder, otherwise known as a DDPNSDDPPQSD! Or commonly known as… AN ANKLE SPRAIN!" (1)

Soujiro twitched.

"Are you sure it's not Maldisfunctionated Gelpretsuated Lychtinplester Disease?" Some Doctor 2 asked. (2)

But then Some Doctor 2 died, and the question was resolved.

Soujiro's smile wavered. Slightly. Well… More than slightly. But it remained mostly smile-like, all things considered.

Considering the circumstances, it was not really all that odd that his smile was wavering.

Soujiro got up and walked away.

Yes, he decided.

Yes, this was odd indeed.

And he smiled.

But then he remembered the fateful rock he had tripped over, and ran over to it.

"Deary me!" he cried out. "Gomen nasai yo!"

And he petted and patted and comforted and soothed the rock.

And then all was good once again.

And… Yep.

But then SUDDENLY, an incredible lapse in time occurred. Why? We don't know. It just did.

And… Yes, this was a good time to switch back to our formerly lost and uncontrollable character.

* * *

(1) and (2) are a copyright of my brother. He thought them up, not me… However, I just found them to be incredibly funny, so bear with my lack of creativity for a moment. Yep. The End.

* * *

Yumi was smiling in a smiling, smiling, smiling sort of way.

It was burning.

Well, actually, that wasn't entirely correct, being as IT could have meant HER, could have meant THE FIRE, could have meant THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE FIRE, could have meant THE LEAF SITTING ON THE GROUND NEAR THE FIRE.

The fire was burning, and around it sat Yumi and the leaf. The chair was irrelevant, really.

"Now, Kaa-san, I want you to listen to this story very, very closely," Yumi said.

And then she began to tell this story…

Yumi was running. She was running and running and running and running. She was running very fast. (She could run very fast.)

Yumi was running from someone. She hated them.

And so she ran. She ran and ran and ran and ran.

But then she stopped.

And she GLARED.

For there, in front of her, stood (GASP!) A MOUNTAIN!

And Yumi SCALED the mountain with ALL HER MIGHT, but fell.

And then she scaled it more and more and MORE AND FASTER AND MORE!

But then she fell.

And by then she was exasperated.

But the Bad Men were behind her!

They wanted to take her to JAIL!

They wanted to make her TESTIFY! And she didn't even know what that meant!

But… Worst of all… They WANTED TO STEAL HER WATERMELON HEDGEHOG FACTORY! THE HORROR!

And so she ran.

But the Bad Men were catching up! They were catching up FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER!

And there was nothing Yumi could do about it!

And she cried!

And she sobbed!

And she was, indeed, VERY, VERY HORRIBLY SAD!

But the mere thought only made her sadder…

And so really, the scene was depressing, truly.

And the Bad Men stopped and sighed.

And then they ran away forever. Why?

I do not know!

Perhaps you know!

Do you, now?

Oh, geez, you're intelligent!

Yes. They ran away because of their intense fear of crying women. Terrible, this curse is. Sometimes, I've heard, it's even accompanied by a rare disease called Shprinktolopuliosis, in which the bearer develops an intense fear of EVERYTHING and a itch between the first and second toe of the right foot…

Heinous. Heinous, indeed.

And, yes, that was irrelevant. Hopefully by now, you've realized as much and are ready to move on with the plot…

Yes. Plot.

Ara? Plot…

…

Anyways…

And so Yumi was saved from the very, very, very Bad Men.

And so she stopped.

And she sighed.

And she sighed.

After all, what was there for her to do now? She couldn't very well go back to where she'd come from! … Well, she COULD, but that would have just been boring…

Boring, indeed, much like this chapter so far.

And so Yumi walked.

And walked.

But soon Yumi grew bored-er, much as many characters in this story had done before her.

For example, in one chapter, Kenshin had suffered bored-ness, and had spent a great deal of time popping the heads off dandelions. Yumi spent a moment pondering this, but then decided that, in all respects, dandelion head-popping was a rather sadistic and illogical thing to do.

As another example, Saitou, in the most recent chapter, had suffered boredom, to the point where he had simply up and died of boredom. Only then he had been revived. How he had been revived, Yumi couldn't be sure.

In fact, she wasn't sure how she knew these pieces of information in the first place, being as she hadn't been there.

Strange that.

But, despite this popular protest, Yumi remained bored. And bored she remained.

Erlack! She didn't know what to do. And so… She pondered a great deal on this, and whilst she pondered lit a fire…

A lovely, lovely fire…

And she sat by it and sang songs of times past.

And she was happy.

But… At that very moment, she looked to her side… and GASPED!

"GASP!" she gasped. "KAA-SAN!"

And she rushed up to the leaf and huggled until it nearly exploded. Then, carefully, she placed it at her side in a loving sort of way.

And then she smiled.

Yumi was smiling in a smiling, smiling, smiling sort of way.

It was burning.

Well, actually, that wasn't entirely correct, being as IT could have meant HER, could have meant THE FIRE, could have meant THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE FIRE, could have meant THE LEAF SITTING ON THE GROUND NEAR THE FIRE.

The fire was burning, and around it sat Yumi and the leaf. The chair was irrelevant, really.

"Now, Kaa-san, I want you to listen to this story very, very closely," Yumi said.

And then she began to tell this story…

Yumi was running. She was running and running and running and running. She was running very fast. (She could run very fast.)

Yumi was running from someone. She hated them.

And so she ran. She ran and ran and ran and ran.

But then she stopped.

And she GLARED.

For there, in front of her, stood (GASP!) A MOUNTAIN!

And Yumi SCALED the mountain with ALL HER MIGHT, but fell.

And then she scaled it more and more and MORE AND FASTER AND MORE!

But then she fell.

And by then she was exasperated.

But the Bad Men were behind her!

They wanted to take her to JAIL!

They wanted to make her TESTIFY! And she didn't even know what that meant!

But… Worst of all… They WANTED TO STEAL HER WATERMELON HEDGEHOG FACTORY! THE HORROR!

And so she ran.

But the Bad Men were catching up! They were catching up FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER!

And there was nothing Yumi could do about it!

And she cried!

And she sobbed!

And she was, indeed, VERY, VERY HORRIBLY SAD!

But the mere thought only made her sadder…

And so really, the scene was depressing, truly.

And the Bad Men stopped and sighed.

And then they ran away forever. Why?

I do not know!

Perhaps you know!

Do you, know?

Oh, geez, you're intelligent!

Yes. They ran away because of their intense fear of crying women. Terrible, this curse is. Sometimes, I've heard, it's even accompanied by a rare disease called Shprinktolopuliosis, in which the bearer develops an intense fear of EVERYTHING and a itch between the first and second toe of the right foot…

Heinous. Heinous, indeed.

And, yes, that was irrelevant. Hopefully by now, you've realized as much and are ready to move on with the plot…

Yes. Plot.

Ara? Plot…

…

Anyways…

And so Yumi was saved from the very, very, very Bad Men.

And so she stopped.

And she sighed.

And she sighed.

After all, what was there for her to do now? She couldn't very well go back to where she'd come from! … Well, she COULD, but that would have just been boring…

Boring, indeed, much like this chapter so far.

And so Yumi walked.

And walked.

But soon Yumi grew bored-er, much as many characters in this story had done before her.

For example, in one chapter, Kenshin had suffered bored-ness, and had spent a great deal of time popping the heads off dandelions. Yumi spent a moment pondering this, but then decided that, in all respects, dandelion head-popping was a rather sadistic and illogical thing to do.

As another example, Saitou, in the most recent chapter, had suffered boredom, to the point where he had simply up and died of boredom. Only then he had been revived. How he had been revived, Yumi couldn't be sure.

In fact, she wasn't sure how she knew these pieces of information in the first place, being as she hadn't been there.

Strange that.

But, despite this popular protest, Yumi remained bored. And bored she remained.

Erlack! She didn't know what to do. And so… She pondered a great deal on this, and whilst she pondered lit a fire…

A lovely, lovely fire…

And she sat by it and sang songs of times past.

And she was happy.

But… At that very moment, she looked to her side… and GASPED!

"GASP!" she gasped. "KAA-SAN!"

And she rushed up to the leaf and huggled until it nearly exploded. Then, carefully, she placed it at her side in a loving sort of way.

And then she smiled.

Yumi was smiling in a smiling, smiling, smiling sort of way.

It was burning.

Well, actually, that wasn't entirely correct, being as IT could have meant HER, could have meant THE FIRE, could have meant THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE FIRE, could have meant THE LEAF SITTING ON THE GROUND NEAR THE FIRE.

The fire was burning, and around it sat Yumi and the leaf. The chair was irrelevant, really.

"Now, Kaa-san, I want you to listen to this story very, very closely," Yumi said.

And then she began to tell this story…

(I'm sorry.)

* * *

Kenshin frowned.

He was mad.

He was very mad.

He was irked.

He was very irked.

One could even say that he was, indeed, very mad and very irked.

It only made sense, after all.

Naturally, one could figure out with relative ease why he would be so upset.

For it was already the 14th page of the story, and he had yet to have his cameo!

He thought this was quite disconcerting.

'How disconcerting,' he thought.

However, this was quite redundant, much like much of this chapter has been so far.

But alas, this did not change the fact that he had yet to say a word; he had yet to move; he, very nearly, had yet to do anything but stand around and do nothing.

Something was wrong with that picture.

Oh, dear.

And so, he decided to take this divinely perfect moment to speak, to make a point, to start anew, to turn over a new leaf, to… Well, you get the picture… "Eeto…" he said.

Yes. Such an intensely creative and well thought-out word was only the very apex of language, the pinnacle of very existence.

And Saitou frowned.

And Kenshin frowned because of it. "Anou…" he stated in yet another excruciatingly intelligible bout of literacy.

And Saitou frowned and said, "Erlack," but not for any particular reason, really.

Naturally, this was quite bizarre, seeing as "erlack" is -- most definitely -- not a Japanese word.

And so Saitou frowned at having to say such a thing.

And Kenshin was about to frown, but thought better of it.

And, all in all, they pretty much stood in commemorative silence.

And it, in fact, was quite debilitating.

Actually, it was very debilitating, to the point where there was a sudden need for a dramatic plot twist…

Or maybe there would be AFTER the following lapse in time…

* * *

Shishio was in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very mediocre manner.

Well, I suppose he was mediocre in a matter of speaking. He was mediocre in relationship to what one might call mediocre in speaking of this story…

o___O;...?

Well, so Shishio was in a very mediocre way. Mediocre for this story, that is.

This is to say, of course, that he was in fact acting very, very bizarrely.

Shishio plotted. He planned. He schemed. He was in a very, very evil mood.

Of course, he was an evil man, after all, so it only really made sense that he would be in such a mood.

Of course.

Shishio plotted a plan, in which people were captured and maimed and tortured and killed, and it made him happy.

And he laughed evilly. "DAHKYAKYAKYAKYAKAKAKAKAAAA!" he laughed in the most original evil laugh he could think up.

And he completed his planning!

And then he ran away!

But suddenly…

He hit the ceiling of his hole. "—————" he said in pain and anger and… other such stuffs.

He cursed at the ceiling and sat back down on the floor. He stared at the pink walls and potted plants and flowery draperies, and was calmed by them.

And he thought, "Why? Why am I so evil?" But he didn't know.

HE DIDN'T KNOW!!

It made absolutely no sense.

And he sat and cried, and picked up his favourite book, 'Gardening for Dummies.'

And he felt better.

Much better.

And this caused a certain resolution.

And it was good.

And this designated the end.

* * *

"Replaced, de gozaru ka?"

Oops, seems we've entered this plot a bit too late. Better rewind it.

Dias eh, "Decalper gnieb er'uoy." Enecs eht no devirra nam a.

All righty. We'll play the tape now…

A man arrived on the scene. "You're being replaced," he said.

"Replaced, de gozaru ka?"

Yep, seems this is already a pointless plot twist.

"Hai," the man said. "Replaced, de gozaru yo."

Kenshin blinked.

Saitou blinked and frowned.

The man… stood there, I guess.

"And why, pray tell, might this be?" Saitou finally had the sudden urge to ask, and he didn't take the time to notice that this was quite nearly the first thing he'd actually said in this chapter.

"Well…" the man said. "We've decided that this plot is much to great an ordeal for the animators. Too much gore; too much blood; generally, we think it's just too much." He smiled in one of those wolfish smiles that people such as Saitou, Sano and that blind guy Usui are so fond of.

Kenshin blinked.

Saitou blinked. "Too much blood? You're telling me a story about someone who refuses to kill is too much blood?!"

"Hai. So we've taken the opportunity to replace the main characters with others that are completely unlike them."

Kenshin blinked. Again.

Saitou frowned.

The man reached in his pocket and pulled out a chicken.

Yes, a chicken.

"That's a chicken, de gozaru," Kenshin stated with his undoubtedly higher level intelligence.

"Hai. It is."

"A chicken."

"Hai."

"Hai."

"… Hai."

"Oro."

And Saitou took this moment to intervene. "A chicken."

"… Indeed."

"Oh, dear." Now, the sentence was very unlike Saitou.

Perhaps it was because he hadn't been the one to say it.

In fact, he had been about to say something along those lines, but in a preferably more colourful manner.

Soujiro grinned. "Hai. Oh, dear. Seems we have a dilemma."

"A dilemma?" the man asked. "Wakaran…"

Soujiro grinned. "Well, there's no way this could possibly work…"

"Sou desu ka?"

"… Because chickens are not Kaoru-compatible!"

"I know." And the man pulled out another chicken. This one, mind you, had one of those silly bows in its hair that people sometimes put on poodles to give them the desired 'cute' effect.

"… Well… Chickens do not speak Japanese!"

And the man pulled out a tape recorder playing the English version of Sobakasu.

And Kenshin and Saitou ran away forever, but that was beyond the point.

"Well…" Soujiro said. "Chickens DO NOT TASTE LIKE GREEN TEA!"

The man blinked. And then he sighed.

But then he ran off into the sunset -- well, okay, so maybe it was only a plot device -- and was never seen again.

And Soujiro smiled.

Well, that settled that.

But then he grew bored and ran away as well, being as he really had nothing better to do.

Or maybe he did.

Yeah.

He flew off on a dinosaur and joined the circus, soon to be known as 'Mr. That-One-Guy-Who-Is-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Really-Fast.'

And indeed, this was another random and bizarre conclusion.

Meaning that, yes, it denoted the end.

* * *

Saitou frowned.

He sensed a climax.

He could feel it in his veins.

He could feel it in his blood.

Then again, he supposed feeling it in his veins and his blood was a slightly redundant thing to say.

But he pushed aside that thought. It really wasn't all that important, after all.

And he frowned at all of this… And more!

He frowned at the fact that nothing at all was happening in the story.

He frowned at the thought that he was sensing some very bad vibes from THAT BUSH OVER THERE.

He frowned at the fact that he was frowning. Sooner or later, his face would stick like that. And then, he'd have some sort of HECK to pay…

Saitou could feel the climax of his very being arriving on them at a pace he couldn't quite follow.

He had a knack for climax-finding. A gift, one might call it; a talent. Nevertheless, it was his MOST GREATESTEST pride and joy.

And he sensed the climax now, but wondered for the life of him why he might be feeling such a thing. After all, the story was plotless, and was mostly, in all honesty, a relative piece of nothingness written purely for the weak at heart for humour. That, and the fact that it was plotless… Wait… Did I already say that?

Pardon.

Kenshin sort-of-frowned. Then he blinked in sort-of-randomness. All in all, he was in a sort-of-something sort-of-mood.

The plot had failed.

This was inconceivable.

Kenshin couldn't understand. HE was the main character. HE never lost. And yet HE couldn't, for some unfathomable reason, cause the impermeable Saitou to frown.

And it irked him to some extent, but, like many of the characters in this chapter have done a few times at various points, he chose to ignore it and continue on in that special way of his that no one seems to understand but everybody loves nonetheless.

Finally, he decided to speak. He decided to confront his devils. He decided to exorcise his demon. He decided to ASK THAT QUESTION. "Saitou, do you ever smile, de gozaru ka?"

GASPETH! HE HAD DONE IT! PERHAPS THIS WOULD GIVE HIM A MOTIVE! PERHAPS IT WOULD GIVE HIM STRENGTH! OR THE WILL TO CARRY ON!

"… Was that a rhetorical question?"

"Oro?"

"Iie."

Kenshin blinked.

Saitou blinked.

And then Kenshin walked off in a huff. "Chikuso, this was the most pointless escapade sessha has ever been forced into, de gozaru! Sessha hopes he NEVER has to do it again! It doesn't get any worse than this, de gozaru yo!"

But then it rained.

And then the rain turned to hail.

And then the hail turned to snow.

And then there was a blizzard.

And then the world was beneath seventy feet of snow in a new Ice Age, and Kenshin cursed. "Spoke to soon, sessha supposes, de gozaru…"

With that, he blinked at his past words and encountered a quick flashback to only moments before:

'Sessha hopes he never has to do it again!'

And he pondered this. And then he cried. "Kuso! Sessha smells a sequel, de gozaru yo!"

And somewhere, somehow, on the way to Kyoto, one Shinomori Aoshi sneezed.

**Owari, Chapt—Wait a second!!**

That didn't seem quite right. Something was missing… Something important…

Riight. Saitou frowned.

Only then, he felt a brush of ki, and he DREW HIS SWORD IN THE MIGHTIEST OF WAYS, WATCHING THE MAN APPEAR FROM BEHIND THE BUSH HE HAD BEEN PERUSING, AND WITH ONE FELL SWOOP, HE DOWNED THE MAN WITH A STRIKE OF HIS KATANA, FLICKED THE BLOOD OFF OF IT, TIPPED HIS POLICE HAT IN A VERY POLICEMANLY WAY AND SHEATHED HIS KATANA WITH A SHNCK!

And with that, he looked at the now-deceased man.

Funny, that, he thought. Funny, indeed.

Saitou smiled.

Yes, the tenacious, the petulant, the irksome Saitou allowed himself the smallest of smiles.

And, in a sadistic sort of way, everything made sense once again.

… For now.

**OWARI! :)**

* * *

Good Gracious Lord, it's done! And OH, MY, this chapter is 21 pages on Microsoft Word! OH DEAR! Blame the caffeine. Blame the hyperness. In fact, blame anything but me.

Or, I guess you can blame me. I am the author, after all.

Oh, geez. I hope you liked the end, THE GRANDE FINALE!

Was it worth it?

Was it worth the endless reading of chapters and the endless waiting for me to update?

DID I DO WELL?

DID YOU ENJOY IT?

WILL YOU READ THE SEQUEL? PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE?

Yeah, anyways… Here's the Dictionary… Yeah. Enough of my incessant rantage:

Anou: Um. Yeah, literally.  
Ara: Sorta kinda like "oro." Follows the same general rule as it, as well – Generally, an exclamation of whatever.  
Chikuso: All-purpose curse word -.-;  
De gozaru yo/ka/na/blah: "…, that it is." Mostly used by Kenshin, though I'm sure you all knew that.  
Eeto: Also means "um."  
Gomen nasai yo: Sorry, I'm sorry… "Yo" is an exclamation so it's more like "I'm so sorry!"  
Hai: Yes  
Iie: No  
Itai: Ouch!  
Kaa-san: Mother, Mom, Mommy, etc.  
Kuso: Yet another curse word.  
Oro: Oro?  
Owari: "End" or "The End"  
Sessha: "I," humble…  
Sou desu ka: AHHHH! YANG! Sorry… Inside joke. GAAH, I hate it when people use inside jokes on the Internet. GOMEN NE! Anyways, it's like "Really?" or "What do you mean?" or "How so?" or… Yeah.|  
Wakaran: I don't get it.

Oh, geez, I said everything I wanted to up before my chapter and in previous chapters, so I guess I'll move straight on to the Reviewer "Thank You"s. And, yeah, to Kenshin Way Too Obsessed, I hope I've already said everything I needed to say.

Ahem. Moving on…

**Muu:** Wow, this feels really weird. I could probably respond to this, but it just seems irrelevant 'cause I know you'll never read this anyway. So… um… Hugs! And thanks! Even though I told you to stop reading it… Uh, huh… Nothing else to say. GAH, the curse.

**Ooka-chan (x4, actually…):** Wow. I feel so special. Even though your keyboard messed up, you still reviewed! I'm so unworthy! Alas, I must respond to all of your reviews in reverse chronological order:

1. Authoresseses… Oro, now you've gotten me all confuzzled. How would Gollum respond to my Problem of the Week? Odysseuseses's? TAKAKA! That's funny. Anyoro, thanks for reviewing.

2. I know, real Saitou was kinda fat and ugly… Weird that he had a sister named Katsu. In fact, I find it weird he had a sister at ALL. Wonder how she died… Dehehe… Oh, and don't worry about repeating yourself so much… Kenshin does it, too. Only he does it at the end of sentences… So don't worry. Oro. I already told you to not worry. Seriously, I didn't only do that to be funny. Oh, boy. Anyways, you're cool no matter how many times you repeat stuff repeat stuff repeat stuff repeat stuff repeat stuff repeat stuff…

3. Okay, I will ignore that completely random statement and replace it with one of my own: The Krefuffles are upon us. Quick! Hide the pizza! Yeah, okay. I'm so glad you love my story. I don't see why anyone would. You make me so happy.

4. OMG, yeah! Saitou sings! Isn't that bizarreiful? Tee… IT BUUUUUUUURNS, boss! I know, but don't worry… Everything will be better in the morning. Hopefully. Maybe. Perhaps. Uh…

**I'm dying of boredom here!:** Wow, I think I know you. And that was a very pointless and long review. I'm not going to waste my time in a pointless and long response, because I know people are dying to get to the end of this chapter after like a whole 23 pages of nothingness. MUAHAHAH! DIE! You know you want to… Naturally. Yep. Rantage soon. Bye.

**It's 8:36am in the morning and I'm just a freaking bored moron (Boron…one of the Elements on the periodic chart that we all learn in Scienc e and why am I writing this again?):** No comment. I hope you never send me a review with a name that long again. And BTW, 8:36am in the morning is redundant. MAHAHA! DIE!

**Icebluedragon:** Wow, that review was sent a very long time ago. Now I'm the one begging for forgiveness. It's funny how the table turns like that. Oh, SHHH! I promise I'll be quiet. Oh, and I do that out-of-home-world-using-computer-when-banned thing, too. Heh. - Pshaw. (Shift6Shift6)x… Gaah, the new thing doesn't like that!! You know I know you know I know you know… Blah, blah, blah… Goodnight.

Oh, and for the other review: -bows- -hits head on floor- -falls- -slips on a banana peel- -dies- THANK YOU! I heart thee! But not that way. But you know what I mean. And I've already expressed the "you know I know you…" so I'll lay off. Thanks so much for reading. BYEBYE!

**Kenshin Way Too Obsessed:** I shall usurp my rights and choose not to speak.

**Shadow Jaganshi:** Booyaka. That review was AMAZING! It was funny! I especially liked the "Anyway, continue SON." BUAHAHA. I know that was a typo, but… It was especially funny. And, YESSSSSSS, we shall confuse the petty earthlings and TAKE OVER THE WORLD! gasp JUST LIKE PINKY AND THE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN! O.o What the heck was I saying? NO matter… Thank you so very, very much for reading. I love you. But not that way.

**Kitty Katana:** Sheer lack of plot… Thanks. That was my goal. That review wasn't very long. Maybe it was because that chapter wasn't very good. Maybe this one will inspire you. Oh, and it wasn't Mythology. It was Comm. Heh. Hey, you do that whole thing where you put a bunch of sentences together into one sentence that makes very little sense and goes on and on and on much like this one does just to confuse people, too! How amazing! And, no… Not loved that way. I love you like I love pizza. Don't take it the wrong way, seeing as I'm a woman… and you're… also… a woman. I think. Well, no. I'm not a woman. I'm a child. Forgive my ignorance. This review is getting long. Thank you. But not really. Kidding. Again. Bye.

**Sakiya: **YAY! Send away! I'm so happy someone's actually going to send me something! Though, if you are, you'd better do it pretty soon, before I put up the Extras chapter. ANYWAYS, thanks for reviewing and have a great day. -dingy music-

**Wytchchylde:** Another?

**SiLeNtPzYcHo:** Hey! You're that one person who changed their name and confused me to no end and made me think I had a review from a new reader! Nuuuuuuuu! You and your confuzzling ways shall PEEEEEEERISH! In Hades? Isn't Hades the guy who runs the Dead People Place? Oro. I'm confuzzled again. Yep. Bye. End Randomness.

**Chibi-tenken:** Kaoru and fish? Baaaaad combination. There wasn't as much randomness in this chapter, I guess. Well, except for a tree spontaneously combusting and Some Doctor and… I dunno. Maybe I'm losing the randomness. Pshyeah. The voice in my head said "no" for a long time, too. Then I beat it on the head with a hammer and it went crazy. Now we get along just fine -- Maybe you should try it. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!

**Inu-Angel Z:** Kenshin says "Sayonara." He can't be here right now. He's undergoing major therapy. - Poor Kenshin. Stupid computers. I hate my laptop. It won't even let me save animated pictures onto it. Then again, my last laptop had Windows v3.1 on it… Oh, dear. Anyways, thanks for reading. I LOVE YOU! Uh… Kinda. SEEEEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAA! Whoa. That was random.

**Aharah Musici:** I hate dial up, too. But I don't even have it. So maybe I just said it to be nice. Whatever. YOU MADE SAITOU SMILE?! Holy Cow! HOW?! That's incredible. I bow to you! I still scare you? I'm so glad! - THANKS!

**Taji Yokaze:** Nah. Colored paper tastes so much better than white paper. Did you ever notice that green tastes kinda minty? I'd compliment your story even more if you decided to UPDATE IT! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Or update your other one! That other funny and random and so, so, so, so, so, so much funnier than mine one! NUUUUU, my story is the pathetic excuse for a fanfic! I BOW TO YOU! I WORSHIP YOU! Yeah. Or something. WHOAAAAAA! That movie was one about these Japanese people buying a fish tank, and like the whole movie was watching them die! Creepiness. Hmmm… Sometimes I consider "ranting" to be my verb. Also, I like "be-a-violent-maniac-ing." Hah. OOH, CURSE CALL WAITING! Even though I don't have a clue what you're talking about! BUT WHO CARES?! NOT - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Okay, I'm done. THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

Wow, that took a lot of time.

Uh… I have nothing else to say. So…

BANANA!

**AND PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE, _PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE,_ REVIEW ANONYMOUSLY! I'D LOVE YOU FOREVER! I'M SO SORRY!  
**  
I'M IGNORANT!

I'M STUPID!

FORGIVE ME!

YEAH!

OKAY!

…

BAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

**Next Chapter: On Bonuses, and On Why They are so Very Much Fun to Write**

Kidding. The next chapter has no name! **OMG! SOMEONE STOLE IT! HELP MEEEEEE!**

Um, please look forward to it?


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